The Wild and Sweet of 2020 - A Yearly Review

My favorite blog of the year will likely always be THIS one. I love taking a look back on the year and all the ways our family has grown and all we have experienced. It's always such a great reminder of God's faithfulness to us! I started sharing these the year before we had Bryleigh, so this will be my EIGHTH one to write, and hands down it's definitely the craziest.

As we wrap up this year, it would be so easy to focus on what SHOULD have happened, all that we missed out on. Similar to the ESPN fan-favorite "Not Top 10" segment, I could write a whole post on our Not Top 10 from 2020: NOT going on our Disney trip, NO big 1st birthday celebration bash, NO Rangers games, NO football games, NO summer library trips, NO Labor Day beach trip, NO kindergarten graduation, NO concerts in the summer (or any other time...), NO big family holiday get-togethers, NO end of the year celebration fun or last days of school...

While it is so easy to focus on all we wish 2020 could have been, there are so many things 2020 actually was...and that is where I choose to leave my focus. As I started to make our top 20 list (because 20TWENTY...), I realized there was SO MUCH MORE than 20. It's certainly all about perspective, and God gave us some incredible gifts. So without further ado, here's the HAMMONS TOP 20 of 2020!

20. As I've shared before, the BIG moments of a year might not always be the BEST moments, and this year we had our fair share of those - disappointments and heartbreak. This year, our family said goodbye to our MawMaw (my dad's mom) and to Cliffie (Brad's grandpa). We are thankful for the hope we have in Jesus and that we know they are celebrating with Him today, fully healed, fully whole, never more alive!

19. We started 2020 in the cutest way...our B girl got GLASSES!! She had been tested at her 4 year appointment, but we chalked up the colossal failure to her anxiety. She did a terrible job on her preschool eye check as well, but we just hadn't made the time to get her in with a doctor before the note came home from kindergarten...requesting a doctor's note signed back. Sister has been dealing with some major vision trouble, and we hoped it would help with some balance and headache issues, but so far she hasn't had any luck there. But goodness, she's just the cutest thing in her little pink ("cupcake") spectacles!

18. In February, back when our world (read: in the states...) was still normal and large social gatherings weren't frowned upon... our B-girl and B-dad headed out on a double date with our neighbor besties to the father-daughter dance at Bryleigh's school. They had the best time!

17. Right before getting out for Spring Break (you know...the one that didn't end...), Bryleigh's kinder friends were able to take a field trip to the zoo! It was both of our first times to the Fort Worth Zoo, and we had the best time hanging out with all her buddies and their mommas. I am SO SO thankful that she got this bit of normal!

16. If you think your never-ending Spring Break of 2020 was eventful...we potty trained a toddler who likely has OCD and is way too smart for his own good. There were nude days. There were potties in multiple rooms of our home. There were movie sessions on his little white throne. But all in all, our little guy did great and was able to enroll in preschool as a potty trained 3 year old!

15. With so much time at home, we had time to get a little more settled. When you sell your house last minute, live out of storage for a few months, do a bit of home improvements, and move in with weeks to spare before having a baby...you tend to take care of the basics and let the rest go. We kicked off 2020 with a new fireplace mantle from Pappy's Next Project and we're wrapping up the year with some new shelves. We got some new furniture for our media room/office where we spent hours together! This house certainly feels like home these days!

14. When the world shut down, Post Oak Academy opened up (twice). We did our best to have a routine to our day. We did our best to keep up with any and all work Bryleigh's kindergarten class received. And we did our best to keep Will somewhat entertained while sister had school work going on. We ended kindergarten in our dining room and we started first grade upstairs in Bryleigh's room. There were youtube videos with dancing fun, coloring activities, and so many books read. Listening to your child learn to read is like nothing I ever imagined.

13. Our first holiday to celebrate in quarantine is one of our favorites. We like to combine celebrating St Patricks Day and Brad's birthday and just make it 48 hours of fun...and this year was no different! We made the best of the stay-at-home situation and turned life at The Post as green as we could, including green milkshakes that left the kids begging for more!

12. The next holiday quickly followed with Easter, and this one was TOUGH. As Christians, it's certainly such a special time for our family and there are normally a few things we do to celebrate, but this year, we weren't even able to attend church. Our church did an incredible job and making the most of such a difficult situation. It was during a time when virtual services were still so new and most businesses were still shut down. It really was such a sweet time for our family with a Seder Meal on Thursday, a Good Friday service with Bryleigh, and a full day of celebrating on Easter Sunday - complete with watching church online, a crock pot roast and banana puddings all around, easter baskets, confetti eggs, and an indoor glow in the dark Easter egg hunt!

11. 2020 was a big year for Bryleigh. She wrapped up kindergarten - an adventure we never dreamed she'd conquer the way she did - and went on to first grade. Watching (and listening to) her learn to read has been one of the greatest joys of 2020. It is so fun to listen to her read and watch her look up at us for celebration as she tackles the tougher words. It's given us a taste of what it will be like over the years to work with her and cheer her on as she faces all life has to offer, and I'm here for it!

10. Friendships have carried us through 2020. We are so grateful for the love of our friends, for making the effort to still have time together - whether on zoom, socially distanced in person, or small in-home gatherings, we have cherished every single minute with so many that God has put in our lives. Hours of laughs followed by the sweetest words of encouragement and surprise parties followed by a blessing basket after some of the scariest days we've faced. We never dreamed when we started this year that so much of it would revolve around the unknowns and health of our kids, ourselves, personal issues we have struggled and fought through, and beyond, but we had a circle behind us that was there every step of the way. I'm looking back on 2020, beyond thankful, and looking forward to 2021 knowing there are more memories to be made, laughs to be had, and encouragement to be given!

9. The highlight of 2020 and being quarantined at home was definitely having the best neighbors on the planet. Bryleigh and Will's next-door-besties spent countless hours outside at the fence, talking and playing. There was some property damage done at one point, but all in the name of good fun and better communication. The kids might call it problem-solving skills! The fence has since been completely replaced, but they're still finding ways to enjoy time outside together. We are so excited to watch these friendships over the years and are so thankful for the safe-space they always have to come home to in each other.

8. We had a trip planned to Disney. We still have a trip planned to Disney. We are hopeful we will get to take it, but we didn't sit around and mope - we made a plan!! We booked a lakeside condo in Conroe and had a Conroe-cation with the cousins, and everyone was happy about it! There were many rounds of cards, some little league baseball, and really yummy food. There was also a coca-cola puzzle that never got finished, a whole lot of laughs, and memories to cherish no matter where we ended up!

7. I'm a sucker for a cozy cabin, a pretty view, and some really good food - so our anniversary trip to San Marcos was absolutely perfect. 5 months into a pandemic, wrapping up a summer that seemed like it might not ever end, and 3 stir crazy kids - it was so nice to get away with Brad and enjoy time just us. We ate our way through the entire weekend, and I'm still dreaming about the garlic knots from the pizza place we randomly stopped at. We can't wait to go back to the cabin in the woods someday!

6. This was a big year for Brad. He celebrated TEN years with his company. He's moved from project to project and role to role, but he's kept his feet planted firm and he's whole-heartedly followed the Lord in obedience, staying every time the Lord said stay. And it was worth it. Brad received a well-earned promotion this year, and he also received the Shining Star award for all his efforts. We are so so proud of him, and so thankful for how hard he works to provide for our family. We are also thankful for all the time he's been at home with us, dating back to before the pandemic even hit!!

5. Bryleigh turned 6. These end of year blogs are always a little funny because our girl's birthday is right at the new year - meaning I chat about her turning 6 when she's so close to 7 now. At the time, it was big and new and exciting, but now, so is 7!! It is an absolute JOY to watch this girl grow and see all God has created her to be. I've loved watching all 6 had in store for her. (We actually celebrated in 2019 with a combined birthday, so she's more than ready for her 2021 party. Check back in a year for that update!) Bryleigh celebrated 6 at school with her classmates, Carson and I took her lunch, and Will was waiting on her arrival at the bus stop with presents for her at home. I think she had a great day!!

4. William turned 4. I had to continually remind myself all year that William was ONLY three years old. So much of the times he seems so much closer to Bryleigh than he is. We love listen to his sweet conversations and hearing as much as we can that he shares with us! But in 2020, he officially turned 4 and he was so excited about it! We had a front yard s'mores party for him right in our front yard where we were able to celebrate with some of our friends and family.

3. Carson turned 1. Carson's 1st birthday was April 29th, right at the beginning of the state-mandated shut down, so we were home and unable to have friends or family over to celebrate with us. While it wasn't anything like we pictured, we did our best to make the most of the situation and celebrate our precious little rookie...baseball style! We decorated, had ballpark food, zoomed everyone we could, and played with his new toys all day! He had the best time!!

2. To be honest...I always fill this little list out as the year goes and I think about the excitement of the holidays to come. I'm not sure when I first started the Top 20, but I wrote "diagnosis" on there because I was just so sure that we would have one for Carson by the end of this year. Just like so many times I thought we were about to have one for Bryleigh. We are closing out a year of more doctors appointments and tests than I can count and we still have no clear answers for either of them. It's not at all how the year began or how we expected it to go, but God has carried us every scary step of the way! He has provided us with incredible friends and family that have prayed for us, loved on us, and encouraged us. So while it wasn't a great part to 2020, it was definitely a major part of it, and it definitely drew us even closer to God.

(Will came in at the 11th hour and added to the fun, so he gets his picture included too - this was our first trip to the ER as parents in 7 years, so we take it as a win!)

1. Time. One of the greatest things to come out of 2020 was the TIME we got to spend together. It absolutely made life more difficult at times, more frustrating, more sad...but the time we got to spend together is something we will never take fore granted! There was LOTS of extra time with Brad home because of no traveling. There was extra time with Bryleigh getting to watch her learn and understanding how we best work together. There was time for art projects and card games, home cooked meals and dance parties...so many dance parties. (Our kids are officially country music fans, and we are SO proud!) The time with Bryleigh reading books each night is something I will hold so dear in my heart for the rest of my life.

...Meet The Ham Fam 2020 Quaranteam...

First up, we have BRADLEY KYLE. Lovingly referred to as B-Dad around our house. While this year didn't have quite the normal excitement of a usual year with football games and cross-country travel, it was still a really good year for him! We are so thankful for all the time we had with him at home with us, and we are celebrating his promotion to Manager this year along with an award he received for his hard work. Highlight of the year:

Next up, we have big sister BRYLEIGH RENEE. In the last year, this girl has continued to blow us away as she has learned to read, loved her brothers well, and danced and created her way through a pandemic. She rocked virtual school and waited patiently for the day she got to go back and meet her new teacher and new classmates. She has taken everything in stride and never once complained about missing out on different things or being home so much more. I have loved all my extra time with her! Highlight of the year:

Middle of the line and middle of the kids, we have WILLIAM BRADLEY. William is a force to be reckoned with, lovingly referred to as our wild one, and frequently makes me do mental math to figure out how old he really is. He has kept us laughing through the pandemic...and kept us pressing into Jesus. His strong will and debating skills are going to take him for in life! Will wrapped up his ECC 2's class and has moved up to the 3's this year. Highlight of the year:

We can't forget littlest brother, CARSON MERRITT. He's proven to be tiny and mighty! Our little guy spent lots and lots of the last year in therapy and doctors offices. He's got some work ahead of him, but he has proven to be quite the fighter, both with his physical strength and his mental. We are praying that 2021 holds answers for him and lots of growth, but I can honestly say the progress he's shown over the last year has been such a joy to watch! Highlight of the year: Early morning Teen Beach marathons with mommy or daddy when I was awake before everyone else.

Momma. Me. CARRIE ALLISON. I was able to start and finish this year with weddings...and a whole lot of life (and growth) was lived in between! I've learned so much about life and myself this year. I've learned more about who God is and who I am in Him. I've learned about letting go and hanging on. I've learned about trusting in the Lord and His plans for me. I've learned about honoring Him in all ways, always. Highlight of the year: Spending SO much time with my family: watching Carson grow, listening to ALL the William stories, reading with Bryleigh at nights, and my getaway trip with Brad!

Rest, My Friend.

Let's talk about New Years.  I know, I know. It's not even Christmas yet, but before you send out a witch hunt and go all "No Christmas before Halloween = No New Years before Christmas" on me, let me share my thoughts.

Normally, as we are wrapping up Christmas (the holiday, not the presents), I start to look toward the new year and pray over what the year might look like, what God has for me and my family, and what can I do to improve on the last year.  (I also REALLY like to look back on all God has done in our family over the past year, but that's for another post... really in the new year!)  Sometime in those final weeks/days, I'll pray and ask God to give me a certain word. In years past, He's given it to me at many different times in different ways and for different reasons, sometimes when I wasn't even really asking Him for it yet.  (This is my 5th year to share about my word/verse for the year here on my blog. You can read the other ones HERE.)

I honestly thought this year was going to be a little different. God has put PRAYER on my heart, heavily.  If you've talked with me in any sort of accountability form over the last 2 years or so, you know this is an area I feel like I've really struggled.  Not that I can't/don't pray, but that I am not INTENTIONAL in my prayer time.  As a momma to two, some days being totally on my own, I do my best to get up as the littlest wakes up, and the time after they go to sleep is spent furiously getting things done that are easier done with 2 hands than 6.  This leaves little time for Jesus. I (I, me, in all the bold, italics, underlined, and capital letters) leave little time for Jesus.  I have spent time in God's word studying for two different bible studies and following an unknown number of She Reads Truth studies.  I spend time in prayer, praying for friends and our families' requests, as well as our own, but when you are talking "go deeper, dig harder, listen to the Father intimately" kind of prayer... I "just don't have the time," or at least I don't make the time that I know He deserves.

I've studied prayer and practiced prayer and journaled prayers over the years, even in the last two, but if I'm being honest, I've not given God the time He deserves.  It's something I've prayed about and asked others to pray about as well.  Although I'm still not "there" yet, He's been gracious in giving me some ideas about how to be intentional in 2019 with prayer, and I'm excited to implement those things.  I'm also excited about the desire He has given me in my heart to make this an area of great discipline in my life.  The fact that the God of the universe PURSUES us is just astounding! Praise God, He does!!

So back to the whole "word" thing.  Like I said, I was really feeling like He was pulling me away from a specific word this year and calling me more to focus on the specific spiritual discipline of prayer.  But over the last week, He might as well have put it in flashing lights (and if I could in this blog, I would...) But it would have read: REST.  I've had people SPEAK this over me, I have had people text this to me, and then I had a wedding photographer I follow EMAIL it to me.  If I am being honest, she emailed it to all, however-many-thousand email subscribers she has, but she might as well have sent it straight to me, becuase there in the subject of her email read: Rest, my friend.  I honestly can't even tell you how many times those words have been given to me (in some fashion) over the last few weeks.

So here I am, gearing up for 2019... a year that starts with a wedding, adds a newborn baby to our family in Spring, another wedding over the Summer, and who knows what else is to come... but God knows, and HE is the one that is calling me to rest.  I don't know what that looks like exactly (with a 5 year old, 2 year old, and newborn baby... and a husband gone, a lot), but I know that He will show me.

And here's the thing, I'm really good at making plans.  I'm good at taking time and writing it all out and coming up with all these steps and ideas, and even listening as God gives me those ideas, but I'm not good at the next part, STARTING.  So rather than waiting to start with this resting and intentional prayer in 2019, I'm starting today, right now.  So like I said, I have no idea what this looks like, but I know that God will direct each step (or let me know when to not take those steps).

Do You Trust Me? Part 2

I have always wanted a “quiver full” of babies to raise in a godly home and shoot them out into the world to spread the love of Jesus Christ. After all, that’s what the Bible tells us to do in Psalm 127:4-5.

But we got pregnant with Bryleigh after struggling through infertility for 2 years, and I was insanely sick for 40 weeks. And then we got pregnant a second time, but I miscarried our sweet babe. Then we got pregnant with Will after another year and a half struggle, and  I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks. Not to mention both of our babes have suffered with some pretty tough health issues that I have major mom-guilt over, feeling like I “gave” it to them. ( I know I didn’t, and we praise God for how far they’ve come and how much we’ve been able to share about His love for us through that part of our journey. So much goodness.)

All of those things, and a few others, are the reason that in the MIDDLE of our pregnancy with Will, we would tell every single person (whether they asked or not) we were 100% done. Like, completely finished, never ever having another biological child.

I’m not sure when the first time God punched me in the gut with it, but I heard Him whisper, “Are you sure? Did you even ask me?” And I didn’t. We didn’t. We never once asked God if we were done. We were consultations away from permanently taking that option away. We had doctors recommendations that I physically alter my body to where that was no longer an option. And I had ZERO peace. I knew it wasn’t right. Not yet at least.

Once I wrestled with the question God asked me about checking with Him, which was an easy answer since we had not at all, I began to hear a second question, even more clearly: “Do you trust me?” Wholeheartedly yes, I absolutely do.  For months, I heard this same question. 

So then, I had the difficult task of going to Brad and saying, “Hey, you know how awful and scary and terrifying it’s all been? I don’t think we’re done yet.” Just as much as I didn’t want to relive any of the past, Brad absolutely didn’t want to watch me relive it either. He was there for the 36 hours of magnesium to keep Will in (for as many days and weeks as possible) where I puked my guts up and couldn’t even cry because it literally burned my eyes so bad... but to me, an entire day, 24 hours of it is as if it didn’t even happen because I was SO out of it (Praise God).

Thankfully, Brad knows when to take me seriously and when God has really been working. After the shock wore off, he agreed to pray and talk about it with me. We knew the decision was clear. We had to at least try. We knew God was asking us to trust Him, and our step of obedience has been to just TRY.

I’ve been blessed by God with a dreamy little side gig where I get to help beautiful brides plan their big day. I have THREE coming up in the next nine months, and because we KNOW those came from God too, we felt like we really only had a small window to “try,” but that if it was God’s will, He would do it. (Cue: I’ve seen you move, you move the mountains, and I believe I’ll see you do it again! 🎶) A two month window to be exact: July and August. Anything earlier and I’d risk being “too sick” for the early weddings, anything later and I’d risk being “too pregnant” for the third one. (Remember the whole preterm labor at 31 weeks thing?!)

Once we said yes to Him, we were all in. We were excited about the possibility and started to dream a little about what it would look like. July came and went with no pink lines, plus signs, or a digitally printed “pregnant”. 

This was it. One last month to turn our world upside down in the best possible way. But then something completely unexpected happened. On August 15, my father in law asked me to pray about going on a trip with him to Haiti. So I did. I prayed a lot. Brad was worried about a sick-pregnant me going on the trip. I just KNEW I wasn’t. But at the end of the day (actually at the end of the week...), I felt like I heard God say, “Say yes.” So I did.

But after a little bit of research, I realized I actually could absolutely NOT go if I was pregnant due to Zika risks. So, I was all in with my yes, even texted my father in law, under one condition: a negative pregnancy test.

And that’s what I got on August 21. I took it and it read “Not Pregnant,” plain as day and identical to the one I’ve seen more times than I can count. I remember telling my mom it was the least disappointed I’d ever been in a no, because the alternative meant I was headed to serve God in Haiti.  Within days, my online portal was set up and I was raising my funds to go. God moved quickly with me being almost fully funded in 24 hours. I felt like it was his affirmation of this trip.

However, a week later, I couldn’t shake this strange feeling (some might call it hyperemesis round 4). I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was off. I could barely sleep, eat, think straight. I hadn’t even done the math on my cycle, but by the time I checked, I was a week late. 😬 8 days after that negative pregnancy test, on our last “official” day of summer, I made a quick trip to Walgreens and bought a box that held a test whose results would forever change our family... in the best way possible.  I took it as soon as I got home, and there it was: PREGNANT.

So here we are, 9 weeks later. The shock has (sort of) worn off. We have heard and seen the heart beat with big sister AND big brother in tow. It will hands down be my most favorite moment as a family of four. We made a lot of good memories as a family of two, then three, and now four, but I’m looking forward to all the ones we will make as a family of FIVE! There have also been lessons and challenges at each of those steps as well, and we know there are more to come. But we also know the God we serve is for us and He has a good plan for our family, so we can trust and follow Him whole-heartedly.

Just a little FAQ for inquiring minds:

1.  Were you trying?  I think this blog answers that question, but YES! I still feel a bit like this is our "Surprise" baby because I definitely never expected to be doing this again.

2.  How are you feeling?  Obviously the biggest fear I had, or at least one of them, was being sick for an entire 40 weeks and not being able to care for the babes God has already given me.  He has been SO gracious to me this time around and I haven't been anywhere near as sick as I was the last 3 pregnancies.  I am nauseas all day, every day, with it being much worse as the day goes on, but... I HAVEN'T THROWN UP ONE SINGLE TIME!!!  I started on diclegis, which I took with Will, and it makes a HUGE difference.  My two sickest days happened the days after I forgot my medicine.

3.  What about high-risk?  At the end of my pregnancy with Will, Dr. Harris let us know that any future pregnancies would be considered "high-risk" because of how things went with Wild Man.  We absolutely love Dr. Harris and know that we are in the best hands! After our heart-beat appointment, he let us know he was taking our entire file home with him that weekend to review everything and he'd be ready with a plan the next time we see him.  It doesn't guarantee the same thing won't happen, but we're going to do everything we can to prevent it. (I will be doing the same!!)

4.  Will you find out what you're having?  Absolutely!! We can't wait to know if we're adding a brother or sister to the mix, but we'll wait until our anatomy scan halfway through!  We've never done the 10-week blood test, so we're okay passing on it again.

5. We know how momma is feeling about the pregnancy, what about everyone else?  Obviously grandparents are super excited, but I think the MOST excited is a Big Sister!! Sweet Will has NO idea what's headed his way, but he was absolutely MESMERIZED at the sonogram!! He didn't move a muscle as he watched/listened. And B-dad, well... he's still trying to catch his breath! He's super excited, and a little shocked!

6. Are you going to do a bump tracker?  Duh.  You can't do something for the first two and NOT do it for the third! ;) But don't expect to see it on a regular basis, because...well...TWO KIDS. AND PREGNANT.  I've been doing a weekly pic, super laid back, super casual, and something I can easily do throughout the whole pregnancy!! (Currently baby is the size of a cute green olive.)

(If you're wondering why this is "Part 2," that is because I wrote "Part 1" about going to Haiti the night before I took the positive pregnancy test.  I was going to share it the next morning, but as soon as I took the test, that positive let me know I was no longer headed to Haiti.)

To the allergy momma - One Year Later

One year ago today I got a nice little list of 10 things that had wreaked havoc on my baby girl’s body - some of them daily, some of them from the moment she had been born. You could say it’s been a year of LOTS of learning.  I remember sitting there in the doctor's office thinking, "This isn't THAT big of a deal. It's only ten. It could have been worse." And then reality set in of how BIG some of those 10 are. Every single one has snuck in on us in one way or another over the last year, but as our doctor said yesterday, "Ignorance is not always bliss."

Our little Allergy Warrior has AMAZED us this year!

To the new allergy momma,

Take a deep breath. The days and weeks to come are gonna be rough. But you’re gonna make it. You will survive this and come out stronger. You WILL get the hang of this new life and learn how to be the fiercest advocate your child needs.

But hold on tight, there are tireless days ahead. LONG trips to the grocery store.  Expensive trips to the grocery store. And a lot of wasted “tries” at finding “replacements.” There will be frustrations as you slip up and watch your child have that dreaded reaction because you missed something and the guilt will be almost unbearable. But that overwhelming guilt is because of your fierce love for your child.

I’ll leave you with the top 10 things I’ve learned in the last year:

1. These babes are resilient.
2. Make it all, from scratch. It’s so much easier and will give you complete piece of mind.
3. Look for yourself. Not everyone will “get it” and that’s okay...check the labels for yourself, every time. I’ll repeat that: Check the labels every time.
4. Find your tribe - shout out the Allergy Moms page on FB for being mine.
5. It’s okay to not be okay with all of this, but know it WILL eventually be okay.
6. Forgive yourself. Quickly. You’re going to mess up, so own it, take note, and move on. (I can guarantee you it won’t happen twice.)
7. Be prepared to do a LOT of dishes. (See item 2...which doesn’t even touch cross contamination.)
8. Write it all down. Think there’s a new reaction? Write it down. Have a question for the doc? Write it down. There are going to be a million things going through your head every day, you’ll never remember it all. But your Notes App will. (Which is where I typed this whole post out to begin with.)
9. Don’t look at anything else out there except what your child can eat. Research on “growing out of it,” food challenges, therapies can all wait. Get a grasp on what foods are safe first.
10. Pray. Trust God with ALL of it.  This is all a part of His story He is writing, and He can use it for His glory. #HisStoryHisGlory

Well, I couldn’t stop at 10, so here are a few *bonus* things I’ve learned.

11. Eating out is a thing of the past.
12. When you DO get the hang of things and venture out, enjoy the same restaurant 500 times in a row. 
13. You WILL cry in the middle of the grocery store. And it will take you an hour and a half to find 7 items that total $100. (Only the last part was exaggerated…by like a dollar.)
14. Just because something is “safe” today, doesn’t mean it will be “safe” tomorrow - this includes restaurants AND store bought foods.
15. It is empowering when your child starts to figure it out for themselves. Be ready, your heart might explode.

New allergy momma, I can guarantee you that it will ALL be worth it!

Our pantry before and after removing everything she couldn't eat.
(Some left on the right was for mom and dad to eat!)

One year ago this week - The day before, the day of, and the day after.
Her sweet smile helped us all and lifted our spirits.

And life today with these outside-loving besties. SUCH a joy!

I'll leave you with a quote/dedication I read in one of the new cookbooks we were given in the days following: "To all of the children whose dietary restrictions created division, isolation, or sacrifice.  May these recipes bring you comfort, inclusion, and joy in both your healthful journeys and life's many celebrations." YES! This is how we've chosen to live.

Serve is the Word in 2018

Okay guys.  I seriously dropped the ball, or should I say...entire basket of fruit on my 2017 word of the year.  I had every intention of being SUPER intentional and focusing on a different fruit of the spirit each month, diving in deep and learning what God had to say about each one...but I didn't.  (I still hope to do this at some point because it really is one of my favorite passages of scripture, and I know it is filled with so many truths, pointing to many different passages and themes in the bible.)  I went a little to crazy on that one, so I will be dialing it back this year and focusing on one single word...one single truth: SERVE. (Just kidding...I had been working on this before God spoke to me about adding another word...but I'll get to that)

I've mentioned before that some years, I have had to really search out what God is speaking over me where these words are involved (like this year's 2017 word coming in at the 11th hour), and other times it is as clear as can be for weeks (even months) ahead.

But this year, this word is different.  God has been speaking this word over me and to my heart for almost an entire year.  We were barely into 2017 when I began to hear Him nudging me to this years word: SERVE.  As we studied through John last year in BSF, one of the lessons about how Jesus SERVED stuck with me.  Over the past year, I have repeatedly seen Him highlighting this area in my life.

**I fully anticipated having one single word to focus on this year, but when God speaks...you listen! ;) So December 30, during the course of a conversation, someone quickly mentioned the word SURRENDER.  It didn't strike me too much at the time, but the idea behind what she was discussing stuck out to me and was something I knew I needed more of in my life (as in surrendering to my husband in marriage the way we should surrender our life to God).  And then...December 31...final hours of the year, I heard it again.  This time it was in a song, "I Surrender All," that was playing on the radio while I was driving.  I have felt as the Lord has led me before, and I knew he was doing so again.

So this year, while there are two words, I feel like they definitely work hand in hand, and as I learn to surrender to the Lord and His will for my life, I will serve Him out of the overflow of my love for Him. Surrender + Serve.

Here's the song I was listening to as I clearly heard the Lord telling me to just SURRENDER to Him in 2018.  So here I am, at the beginning of this year with my hands open, held out to Him, expectant of what is to come, knowing that He will cover it all.

THIS is what I have for you...

Tomorrow, I'm starting my 4th year in BSF.  It's also Bryleigh's fourth and Will's second.  I'm starting it this year as a class member and not a leader.  I pray (pray, pray, pray, pray) that God calls me back into leadership with BSF in the future because I absolutely loved my time last year, shepherding women through the study of John and praying with them over various areas and situations of their lives.

Last spring, when it came time to sign our commitment cards for leadership in Romans, I just could NOT sign my card.  At one point, the morning it was due, I even tried to just grab the pen and sign it real quick, and I almost threw up...like literally.  So I put it down and walked away.  And that's when I heard Him clearly, "Carrie, this is not what I have for you."

My heart was racing, and tears poured from my eyes.  I was SO confused.  WHY in the world would THIS not be what God has for me.  Why would serving Him, leading ladies, and bible study NOT be what He has for me?  Honestly, it scared me...if THIS wasn't what He had...then what was?!

I've heard Him say that a few more times over the summer, including as recently as two weeks ago when I came about one phone call away from a full-time, work-from-home job.  Once again, "Carrie, this is not what I have for you."  Once again, I had a difficult conversation that caused my pulse to quicken and my stomach to feel queasy, just like it had last spring when I almost signed that paper.

I spent most of my time since that day searching my little corner of the world for a specific answer as to just WHAT God has for me.  With each time I've heard Him say, "Not this one," I've seen a little bit more of what he DOES have for me illuminated.

And as I sit here on the eve of the first day of BSF, I get it.  I know what it is He has for me: MOTHERHOOD.  He's given me the task of raising, caring for, and enjoying life with two beautiful babes who are absolutely perfectly made in His image.  There are long days, but they are fun days.  There are hard days, but they are good days.  And I will soak in every hour, minute, and second He has given me to just be Momma to these babes, knowing just how fast it goes and how fast they grow.  (In case you're wondering...we're TEN weeks from Thanksgiving, because we're TEN weeks from having a ONE YEAR OLD! I can't.)

Update on the Babes

Bryleigh is doing GREAT.  We watch her like a hawk.  We work SUPER hard to make sure that she is only eating foods that fall on her "approved list," and we stick to her treatment with supplements and vitamins, along with the weekly visits to the chiropractor.  We still find her having some trouble, and we fight off flare ups from time to time, but we feel SO grateful for where she is right now.  And we will do everything we can in our power to fight to keep her there or getting better!

William is also starting to do really well himself!  We've worked with the chiropractor and his GI doctor at Cooks to make sure things keep "moving" for him. He's on a less involved treatment plan of supplements and vitamins than B, and we are currently on two prescriptions from the GI doctor that have really helped improve things for him.  Right now, when we take away those prescriptions, things go right back to where they were...so we'll keep working to find answers and things that help him.

On top of finally seeing (and hearing) what it is He has for me, I have been able to see some other things that God knew way in advance about our schedules this year.  Up until about two weeks ago, I still had time in my schedule to be a momma AND a BSF Leader, although the time committed to leadership is no small amount.

But Will's 9 month well visit didn't quite go as we expected.  Our pediatrician had some concerns about some things she was seeing in Will and answers I was giving to some questions she was asking, which led to an appointment last week with Cook's and an upcoming brain MRI under sedation as a precaution to rule out some things that have really long names attached to them.

His appointment on Friday led to recommended therapy for him for the next 6 months, weekly.  And there it was.  In a matter of seconds, I knew.  I knew that God had been caring for my heart AND my time to prepare us for what He DOES has for us this year.  With all that we've done over the last three years to care for Bryleigh, I just never imagined it would really get any more time consuming than it already was.  And then it did.

We don't really understand all that's gone on over the last few years, nor do we really understand why, but we do know that God is in control, that He is fighting for us, and that His plans for us are for our good and His glory.  We are so grateful for the babes that He has entrusted to us and the lives He has designed for both of them.  We look forward to all that God will do in and through them!

Our precious small group leaders, Derrick and Julee Duke, shared this beautiful song with us on Sunday morning and I have listened to it on repeat since that day.  I just wanted to share a piece of what encourages me in this journey He has us on. I pray it encourages you, too.