Do You Trust Me? Part 1

Some people have asked Haiti, and to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure.  This wasn’t something on my radar because for the very longest time, it just wasn’t on my radar.

With two small kids at home and a husband that travels, taking time to get away for a whole week just doesn’t seem possible. Over the past year or so, I have wrestled with my place in serving on international mission trips. I answered the call from the Lord once, and honestly treated it like I hoped that “appeased Him” and He wouldn’t come knocking again...for now.

But as He does, he subtly knocked, until it wasn’t so subtle anymore.

For the past year, I have also heard God (louder over time) saying, “Do you trust me?” This was in regards to expanding our family, because let’s face it...I was calling the shots myself on that one and we were DONE. (My husband was even more done.) Being sick for 40 weeks, having difficult pregnancies, deliveries, and recoveries, coupled with the health issues are babes have had, we started saying we were done before Will even saw the light.

Then, I began to lose my peace. I had NO peace when I said those words, and God finally convicted me that I hadn’t once asked Him what His desires were for my family. And that’s when I heard it for the first time, “Do you trust me?” My desire was always for more kids, until I started living this specific life and what more kids meant - more sickness, more fear, more possible kids with difficult health issues... My desire even more than my comfort is pleasing God. 

Then came the difficult part of sharing these truths with my husband whose desire was to never see his wife like he has for 89ish weeks like I was, to never fear a preemie again, and to never put another child through scary diagnostic testing again. Thankfully, he knows me and my desire to follow the Lord’s leading in our life, and he followed Him, too.

Fast forward a few months and I was approached about going on this trip.  Would it even be possible, was I even interested? Those were the questions surrounding the days that followed.  And just as before, I began to hear the Lord saying, “Do you trust me?”

I do. I trust God fully that He will supply every need, that He will comfort my aching heart while I’m away from my kids, that He will sustain me and the health issues I have on a normal basis, that He will cover the anxiety I have over eating on a trip like this... I trust Him fully. So I said “YES” to Haiti.