I’ve known my entire life that I want one thing more than anything else…to be a mom. I’ve been told repeatedly how precious that bond is between a mother and a child, I’ve seen it in my own life with the unconditional love that my mom has given me, and I’ve hoped for the day that I would experience it my own life.
I will preface this by saying – I am NOT pregnant. And at this point in our lives, we aren’t trying to get pregnant either. I know God has created miracles with birth control in the mix (even one about 2000 years ago without sex even taking place!!). So I will be the first to say we wouldn’t be disappointed if something unexpected happen. We have known that even with the precautions we take, it is still a possibility for various reasons.
There are a few events coming up that I wouldn’t mind attending as a “Party of one” rather than “Eating for two”– I’m a bridesmaid in one of my (and Brad’s) most special friends, with a dress already in hand…I’m not so sure adding enough material to cover a basketball is in the mix, so waiting for Brittain Lally to be Brittain Bright before getting pregnant would be best for everyone involved.
Also, I’m taking a trip to Moldova in June. Most of my family is already praying for my eating habits and stomach problems to stay under control while we are there, not to mention the unimaginable emotions that will come along with serving for the first time in a foreign country…and 11 days away from my husband. (*Since we began dating on June 23, 2007, there hasn’t been one single day that we haven’t spoken to each other…YIKES!!) I don’t think morning sickness on an 8-hour flight would be good for any of the parties involved.
With all that being said, it seems like I’ve watched miracles be born and mommies-to-be find out they are pregnant on, what feels like, a daily basis. And if I’m being honest, it hurts my heart a little bit. And while I’m being honest, I’ve held a few “Not Pregnant” tests in my hands over the past few months and wondered if I will ever experience the joy of seeing something different flash across the screen. I know that timing just isn’t right for us, but there is not a single thing I want more in the world than Baby Hammons to be a part of our family.
I have spent years questioning if I will ever even be able to get pregnant, and I have cried on the way home from doctor’s appointments after hearing confirmation of those fears. I have heard them all, from “If it’s impossible…” to “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” and even “it could definitely be a difficult process for YOUR body.”
I surrendered those worries over to the Lord last year, in 2010, through a few conversations with some of my close friends and family. I KNOW that the Lord is the Ultimate Physician, that He can heal my body when and if he wants, and that He is the only one to open and close the womb.
But that does not take away the DESIRE to be a mommy. That doesn’t take away the feelings of love I already have for the children we haven’t even met yet. Whether God chooses to use our biology or our bank account to make us parents, I know that He has a plan for our lives and for His children that we will have the privilege of raising for our Heavenly Father.
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