Do You Trust Me? Part 2

I have always wanted a “quiver full” of babies to raise in a godly home and shoot them out into the world to spread the love of Jesus Christ. After all, that’s what the Bible tells us to do in Psalm 127:4-5.

But we got pregnant with Bryleigh after struggling through infertility for 2 years, and I was insanely sick for 40 weeks. And then we got pregnant a second time, but I miscarried our sweet babe. Then we got pregnant with Will after another year and a half struggle, and  I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks. Not to mention both of our babes have suffered with some pretty tough health issues that I have major mom-guilt over, feeling like I “gave” it to them. ( I know I didn’t, and we praise God for how far they’ve come and how much we’ve been able to share about His love for us through that part of our journey. So much goodness.)

All of those things, and a few others, are the reason that in the MIDDLE of our pregnancy with Will, we would tell every single person (whether they asked or not) we were 100% done. Like, completely finished, never ever having another biological child.

I’m not sure when the first time God punched me in the gut with it, but I heard Him whisper, “Are you sure? Did you even ask me?” And I didn’t. We didn’t. We never once asked God if we were done. We were consultations away from permanently taking that option away. We had doctors recommendations that I physically alter my body to where that was no longer an option. And I had ZERO peace. I knew it wasn’t right. Not yet at least.

Once I wrestled with the question God asked me about checking with Him, which was an easy answer since we had not at all, I began to hear a second question, even more clearly: “Do you trust me?” Wholeheartedly yes, I absolutely do.  For months, I heard this same question. 

So then, I had the difficult task of going to Brad and saying, “Hey, you know how awful and scary and terrifying it’s all been? I don’t think we’re done yet.” Just as much as I didn’t want to relive any of the past, Brad absolutely didn’t want to watch me relive it either. He was there for the 36 hours of magnesium to keep Will in (for as many days and weeks as possible) where I puked my guts up and couldn’t even cry because it literally burned my eyes so bad... but to me, an entire day, 24 hours of it is as if it didn’t even happen because I was SO out of it (Praise God).

Thankfully, Brad knows when to take me seriously and when God has really been working. After the shock wore off, he agreed to pray and talk about it with me. We knew the decision was clear. We had to at least try. We knew God was asking us to trust Him, and our step of obedience has been to just TRY.

I’ve been blessed by God with a dreamy little side gig where I get to help beautiful brides plan their big day. I have THREE coming up in the next nine months, and because we KNOW those came from God too, we felt like we really only had a small window to “try,” but that if it was God’s will, He would do it. (Cue: I’ve seen you move, you move the mountains, and I believe I’ll see you do it again! 🎶) A two month window to be exact: July and August. Anything earlier and I’d risk being “too sick” for the early weddings, anything later and I’d risk being “too pregnant” for the third one. (Remember the whole preterm labor at 31 weeks thing?!)

Once we said yes to Him, we were all in. We were excited about the possibility and started to dream a little about what it would look like. July came and went with no pink lines, plus signs, or a digitally printed “pregnant”. 

This was it. One last month to turn our world upside down in the best possible way. But then something completely unexpected happened. On August 15, my father in law asked me to pray about going on a trip with him to Haiti. So I did. I prayed a lot. Brad was worried about a sick-pregnant me going on the trip. I just KNEW I wasn’t. But at the end of the day (actually at the end of the week...), I felt like I heard God say, “Say yes.” So I did.

But after a little bit of research, I realized I actually could absolutely NOT go if I was pregnant due to Zika risks. So, I was all in with my yes, even texted my father in law, under one condition: a negative pregnancy test.

And that’s what I got on August 21. I took it and it read “Not Pregnant,” plain as day and identical to the one I’ve seen more times than I can count. I remember telling my mom it was the least disappointed I’d ever been in a no, because the alternative meant I was headed to serve God in Haiti.  Within days, my online portal was set up and I was raising my funds to go. God moved quickly with me being almost fully funded in 24 hours. I felt like it was his affirmation of this trip.

However, a week later, I couldn’t shake this strange feeling (some might call it hyperemesis round 4). I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was off. I could barely sleep, eat, think straight. I hadn’t even done the math on my cycle, but by the time I checked, I was a week late. 😬 8 days after that negative pregnancy test, on our last “official” day of summer, I made a quick trip to Walgreens and bought a box that held a test whose results would forever change our family... in the best way possible.  I took it as soon as I got home, and there it was: PREGNANT.

So here we are, 9 weeks later. The shock has (sort of) worn off. We have heard and seen the heart beat with big sister AND big brother in tow. It will hands down be my most favorite moment as a family of four. We made a lot of good memories as a family of two, then three, and now four, but I’m looking forward to all the ones we will make as a family of FIVE! There have also been lessons and challenges at each of those steps as well, and we know there are more to come. But we also know the God we serve is for us and He has a good plan for our family, so we can trust and follow Him whole-heartedly.

Just a little FAQ for inquiring minds:

1.  Were you trying?  I think this blog answers that question, but YES! I still feel a bit like this is our "Surprise" baby because I definitely never expected to be doing this again.

2.  How are you feeling?  Obviously the biggest fear I had, or at least one of them, was being sick for an entire 40 weeks and not being able to care for the babes God has already given me.  He has been SO gracious to me this time around and I haven't been anywhere near as sick as I was the last 3 pregnancies.  I am nauseas all day, every day, with it being much worse as the day goes on, but... I HAVEN'T THROWN UP ONE SINGLE TIME!!!  I started on diclegis, which I took with Will, and it makes a HUGE difference.  My two sickest days happened the days after I forgot my medicine.

3.  What about high-risk?  At the end of my pregnancy with Will, Dr. Harris let us know that any future pregnancies would be considered "high-risk" because of how things went with Wild Man.  We absolutely love Dr. Harris and know that we are in the best hands! After our heart-beat appointment, he let us know he was taking our entire file home with him that weekend to review everything and he'd be ready with a plan the next time we see him.  It doesn't guarantee the same thing won't happen, but we're going to do everything we can to prevent it. (I will be doing the same!!)

4.  Will you find out what you're having?  Absolutely!! We can't wait to know if we're adding a brother or sister to the mix, but we'll wait until our anatomy scan halfway through!  We've never done the 10-week blood test, so we're okay passing on it again.

5. We know how momma is feeling about the pregnancy, what about everyone else?  Obviously grandparents are super excited, but I think the MOST excited is a Big Sister!! Sweet Will has NO idea what's headed his way, but he was absolutely MESMERIZED at the sonogram!! He didn't move a muscle as he watched/listened. And B-dad, well... he's still trying to catch his breath! He's super excited, and a little shocked!

6. Are you going to do a bump tracker?  Duh.  You can't do something for the first two and NOT do it for the third! ;) But don't expect to see it on a regular basis, because...well...TWO KIDS. AND PREGNANT.  I've been doing a weekly pic, super laid back, super casual, and something I can easily do throughout the whole pregnancy!! (Currently baby is the size of a cute green olive.)

(If you're wondering why this is "Part 2," that is because I wrote "Part 1" about going to Haiti the night before I took the positive pregnancy test.  I was going to share it the next morning, but as soon as I took the test, that positive let me know I was no longer headed to Haiti.)

37 Weeks - And a Full Term Party!

How far along? 37 weeks...Beginning of the pregnancy, full term was NO question (Bryleigh was 40 weeks 3 days)...until it was the biggest question ever!! We are definitely celebrating over here!!

Due Date? December 1, 2016 (21 days!! or 3 weeks)

How big is baby? Will is (according to Ovia) over 6 pounds and 19 inches long...the size of a honeydew melon.

Total weight gain? I have gained about 25 pounds

Maternity clothes? I pretty much have LIVED in my maternity leggings since the hospital days.

Stretch marks? I got them bad with Bryleigh (right at Thanksgiving...33 weeks), so some of those have showed back up, but not nearly as bad this go around.

A little 37 week comparison - Bryleigh on the left, Will on the right

Sleeping? If my nose weren't so stuffy, I didn't have to pee 500 times a night, and it wasn't so painful to move...then I'd be sleeping a heck of a lot better, but honestly I'm getting enough sleep (and getting prepared for the whole newborn stage).

Miss anything? Driving.  I haven't driven since the Tuesday afternoon we went in to the hospital...5 weeks ago.

Movement? You've heard his nickname, right?! Wild Man Will.  The dude NEVER. STOPS. MOVING!  I am so thankful for a healthy, active baby because I always know he's doing just fine, but it honestly gets exhausting...and painful.  His movements can be SO painful.

Food cravings? This pregnancy, the two main things I've craved are cinnamon (again) and chocolate milk.  I'm sure there have been other things at different times, but those are the big ones! And I ALWAYS want breakfast - pancakes, cinnamon rolls, sausage balls, waffles, cinnamon toast, coffee cake, bagels, chick-fil-a's whole morning menu...  I've also craved ice, almost all 40 weeks. (Shout out to the anemic mommas-to-be out there! My hubby is officially over it.)

Food aversions? Not any that I can think of

Gender predictions? All blue and all boy here!  (We got a LOT of sonos in the hospital. He confirmed it for us daily.)

Symptoms? This week - contractions that are hours long, fevers that spike 4 and 5 times a day, and the ever present nausea that will be gladly be on its way in a few short weeks!  Thankfully the hyperemesis has been much more manageable this go around...yay for boys and less hormones! ;)  I'm also in a heck of a lot of pain, but I draw the line on TMI,  and this is a line I draw!

Belly button – in or out? The more Will pushes out his tush, the more my belly button is an outie...if he moves around some, it's an innie.  I'm pretty sure half the time, he's trying to come OUT of my belly button.

Wedding rings – on or off? On

Mood? Changes daily...hourly.  Overall I feel really good. It's been crazy, especially the last 5 weeks, but the whole "you get to (have to) push this baby out" fear has started to creep back in...not to mention I know what to expect this time, and I'm PRAYING we deliver before he hits the 9 pound mark.  We've had our share of super stressful, super emotional moments in the last month, but the last week has been really good!

Labor signs? haha - Oh yes, those signs we have had for the past 5 weeks (and beyond...I started contractions at week 14.)  I am dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced, based on my last appointment.  I have contractions that pick up to about 2.5 minutes apart for an hour, sometimes 4 or 5 hours, every day...and then nothing.

Best moment(s) this week? Time.  (We'll ignore the fact that the most insane election of our country's history happened this week, because I don't even have words for that yet.) But I am SO thankful for the time we have had this week...to get to FULL term with this little guy, to spend more time with my baby girl before she isn't the baby anymore, to have time with my hubby to slip away for a dinner, to be with my momma during such a crazy time in my life...I'm just thankful for time.

Looking forward to? Meeting our little guy and bringing him home to start his life with our little family.  Watching Bryleigh become a Big Sister.  The holidays with all of our families, especially our TWO littles!!!!

The BumpDate - Wild Man Will

The "Almost Last" 12 weeks...
**This little title was written 12 weeks ago when I fully expected to have 16 weeks left and I was trying to stay all kept up with life as it happened. I guess it could read "The Possible Last 12 Weeks" or "The Actual Last 12 Weeks"...but time will tell! ;)

(For the record, there are far more pictures and details in this blog post than the others because I had far more time on bedrest -at the hospital- to get something like this done.  But it sure was fun to look back on a full 12 weeks of memories before adding Will to our team!)

Our sweet B-dad was home with us for an amazing 10 days, and we squeezed in as much fun as we could (which did NOT include taking him to the airport and dropping him off...although Bryleigh was very excited on our way there, she wasn't sure why she wasn't going, too).  Our sweet little girl has had a back and forth battle with all of her health issues since July 4th weekend, and some flares up tend to pretty much consume all of our time (and energy...and tears...and everything else).  This one sadly included 2 trips to the pediatrician's office and a whole lot of prayer (and tearful phone calls to my momma)!

We've had some BIG things going on in the past 12 weeks, including the beginning of B's school year!!  We had our first "parent duties" when we attended her Parent Night for orientation and then Meet the Teacher with her the next day.  We are SO excited that she is getting to go to school this year, especially with it being at our very own church.  Bryleigh and I normally have a "Not first day of school" party, but since she is actually going this year...we had a last day of summer party!!

B-dad was home for Bryleigh's 2nd day!

Equally as big as Bryleigh's first day of school was our first (and last) official vacation as BCBPartyof3!  We wanted to be sure we spent some time, just the three of us, before Will's arrival, and we realized we'd never really taken an actual vacation with just us.  We were headed to Conroe to celebrate our sweet nephew, Tate, and his 5th birthday, so we decided to just keep on 45 and head to Galveston!

We cut the trip a little short, but continued the fun at home since daddy still had one day off, complete with his favorite place to eat with his friends in North Carolina and a trip for the girls to get sno cones...Will really wanted one! ;)  We also made our very first pot of Hopkins County Stew for the season!

The week after vacation, we jumped right back in to a full schedule!  BSF got kicked off with our leaders workshop, and Bryleigh enjoyed her second week of school, along with lots of silliness, good food, and not so fun diapers (again).

We love getting to spend time with DeDe and Poppa B, whether it's B-girl time while we go out on a date, or a rainy Saturday afternoon of cooking football and watching whatever sport happens to be on at the time...sometimes even more than one at once!

Bryleigh and I were SO excited for BSF to get started! This is our third year, and it has been an absolute blessing to us each and every week.  Our first full week included Leaders Meeting, B's school, BSF class day, and our genetic testing to wrap up the week.

Bryleigh and I weren't the only ones having fun!! Daddy filled his weekends with football and Poppa B time at Jerry World, but they also took a trip to Sooner Nation to watch OU take on Ohio State.  This was a football game they'd been talking about for MONTHS, and it was so awesome they got to see it in person!

Our first full week was also one of the tougher ones for Bryleigh.  We were so thankful that Mimi was here to help us both.  I don't normally share a lot of pictures on social media, but I do take them from time to time, and looking back through those days, I thought I'd share a little bit of what a "Diaper Daze" week (that's what I've come to "lovingly" call our periods of not so fun days) looks like - it's a lot of snuggling in between diaper changes, it's a lot of baths, and even a shower when the bath doesn't do the trick. ;)

Brad and I went on our last date before Will arrives...although we didn't know it at the time!  While he was home during the week before a weekend conversion in NC, and thanks to some BEAUTIFUL fall-like weather, we decided to make a last minute trip to the Rangers game, where our (heavily discounted) tickets included access to the Capital One Club.  We didn't know it was the last date, but we sure did enjoy it!!

Another "last" that we had, even though we didn't know it at the time was some FUN last times with just the THREE cousins.  Soon they'll be adding a fourth to their craziness, and I'm not sure we'll be able to keep up with them all!  We had so much fun watching Abby and Mandy cheer under the Friday night lights,  followed by a full Saturday morning of Larry's Donuts, time at the zoo, and lunch at the new SHAKE SHACK in Dallas!

That weekend was our last "normal weekend" before bed rest, and it wasn't even that normal considering our B-dad was out in North Carolina for his conversion with work.  The next week started with a trip to Bryleigh's GI doctor on Monday for a follow up and some new treatment options while we wait to hear back on testing (which came RIGHT in time considering she was ASKING to go to the doctor on Sunday :( ), and Tuesday was our leaders meeting for BSF, followed by lunch at Taco Bueno with daddy since he was home...and then, everything changed!

The BumpDates...

Week 25 was another appointment week, complete with our 1 hour glucose test.  Will was measuring TWO full weeks ahead but has a strong heartbeat and things are all looking good! (I DID pass the gestational diabetes test, but the blood work showed I do have anemia again, which was not a surprise with the hyperemesis.)

For some crazy reason, week 26 decided to bring along some crazy pregnancy insomnia with it, and I was over it about as quickly as it started!!  It also brought the beginning of acid reflux type symptoms that I was thankful had NOT made an appearance this pregnancy.  Will decided to continue his hours long dance parties that have been going on since about week 18 or 19.  I'm really not sure the boy is going to ever sleep when he gets here!

Week 27 was not one of my favorites, at all.  I had crazy contractions, and some other issues that I've dubbed "TMI," even for my over-sharing self!  Sometimes pregnancy is just not fun OR easy.

We officially hit the "appointments every 2 week" mark at 28 weeks. At our appointment, Will had hiccups!! Bryleigh thought it was hilarious, and it made it incredibly hard not to laugh while the monitors were still on my belly...which made everyone in the room laugh.  He was also back to measuring right on track!! 


The first week of BSF/week 29 was very busy, but one of the best parts was that Mimi and Pappy came to town and helped us completely rearrange furniture in 3 different rooms to make room for our Will!  They are definitely the hardest working people I know, and I am so very thankful for them! Bryleigh and I came home from Bible Study and Brad's office was officially the guest room, and the guest room was completely empty and ready to become Will's nursery.

Obviously after so many appointments, Bryleigh has made herself right at home in Dr. Harris' office.  She loves going in to hear the heartbeat and chatting with all the nurses!  At our 30 week appointment, Will was back to measuring a week ahead, and I got a flu shot...Bryleigh was quite concerned for momma's booboo!  Week 30 was also another week of crazy movements, morning, noon, and night, keeping me awake, and reminding me he's in there and would like to be out here!!  We also spent some more time getting Will's room ready, including getting his crib put together and a trip to Babies R Us for some registry items.

Week 31 - (Sept 29) I would say that week 31 started out like any other normal week, but honestly...it didn't.  I was completely exhausted and had major nosebleeds (that I've been having since week 6) that caused me to get up at least 3 times every night for 3 or 4 nights in a row.  Will was CRAZY, moving non-stop, all the time, and then on Tuesday...the contractions started.

The Bedrest BumpDates...

On Tuesday evening, I wasn't feeling well at all.  We had planned on taking a trip to the grocery store, fixing some dinner, and then getting ready for the rest of the busy week, but when I sat down, contractions seemed to pick up (instead of get better like they have this whole pregnancy).  After the third one, I looked at the clock so I could time the next one if it happened to come...and it did.  So I downloaded an app to time and count contractions, and by the 4th or 5th one, the app was telling me to go to the hospital!

I still wasn't convinced. I mean, these were GOING to stop, right?!  But I messaged my mom and husband to let the know what was going on, and (thankfully) Brad was adamant that I call the after-hours line for my doctor.  The doctor suggested that I drink 3, 8 oz. glasses of water, take 2 extra strength Tylenol, and take a warm bath.  I was to call back 2 hours after all of that was done if my contractions continued.  And they did.  They had gone from about 5 minutes apart, to 2 and a half minutes apart, lasting about 1 minute each.  I started getting ready even before we heard from the doctor, because I knew what he was going to say...but I still fully expected to crawl back in to MY bed sometime that night and wake up there the next morning.

We got to the hospital and quickly checked in to our room where our nurse and a resident did a thorough (PAINFUL) exam and got me hooked up to the monitors that verified I wasn't crazy and things were more serious than I was even imagining.

I went in at 31 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  I was already 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced...pretty sure I wasn't there until I was 40+ weeks pregnant with Bryleigh.  Our doctors wanted to be aggressive to make sure we could do our best to keep Will in a little longer, but in case he did come early, we'd be as ready as possible.  I was given an IV drip to help with any dehydration, along with magnesium to try and stop the contractions, and I was also given antibiotics to treat any infection that might harm Will during delivery and 2 steroid shots (24 hours apart) to speed up his lung development.  Getting both of those steroid shots in was a huge answer to prayer.

The next 36 hours are a blur for me.  My body could barely tolerate the magnesium, but coming off it meant more contractions, so it was a constant back and forth battle to keep it all managed.  It seriously felt like one long night, not a night, a full day, and another full night.

Thankfully we kicked week 32 off with a little bit of a party - Our night nurses came in to let us know that I had stabilized enough to come off the mag and that I'd be moving upstairs to the antepartum unit! PRAISE THE LORD!!! (and I was FINALLY able to eat!!!)

Life in room J711 was a roller coaster ride.  Some days went exactly as expected with good monitors, little to no "extra" contractions, and no unwanted side effects.  Other days had different things from not passing monitors and needing an IV, to lots of extra contractions, to feeling flat out sick. I spent a few days where I slept more than I was awake, but overall, we were very thankful to keep our little guy inside and growing stronger every day!

The days consisted of monitoring in the morning and evening until we both met all of our criteria, medicine every 6 hours for contractions (but only after blood pressure and temperature checks - my BP has to be higher than 90/50 to be able to take my meds...and sadly, it was too low on some occasions or JUST right on others), other meds at other times, and sonograms twice a week.  At least 2 different doctors came in each morning, and we had a team of nurses and assistants that would help us throughout the day.  One thing is for sure, we felt completely cared for the entire time we were on Floor 7!

We were definitely in a routine by the time we hit 33 weeks.  We knew exactly what to expect each day, we knew what was required to meet the criteria, and what I needed to do if I wasn't meeting those (to avoid IVs and other interventions).  We were also counting down the days to be home with our Bryleigh Girl!  It seemed to be an up and down roller coaster with positives and negatives each and every day.  Some days I'd wake up feeling pretty good, and other days I'd barely wake up, sleeping most of the day or having far more contractions than I'd care to (or the doctors for that matter...), we also had our share of VERY long monitors when Will wasn't behaving (or my uterus wasn't behaving).  Brad got to where he was able to know what was going on based on the noises he heard from the monitor as opposed to looking at the strips.

Our sweet girl was in good hands the whole time we were at the hospital, whether it was with my mom during the week, fun times with Pappy on the weekends, or fun adventures with DeDe and Poppa B - they brought her up to see us at the hospital, took her to eat her favorite foods, and spent some time at the park!

Week 34 hit on Thursday, October 20, 17 days after we went in to the hospital (and three days before my birthday).  We had been counting down to that day since about 2 hours after being admitted when they let us know that was the EARLIEST we'd be leaving.  We started the morning with a quick check to make sure I wasn't dilated anymore (Praise the Lord, still a 2!), followed by a final sonogram (loved getting to see our little guy twice a week on the big screen), and then one last time on the monitor.  Once all of those pieces checked out, we got our discharge orders and prescriptions, loaded up ALL our stuff, and headed HOME!!!  Brad has lovingly dubbed the final weeks... "King Size bed rest" ;)

We got home JUST in time to celebrate my birthday.  Brad's parents came over on Saturday for Hopkins County Stew and college football watching, along with a yummy Nothing-Bundt cake from DeDe!  Sunday was sausage balls for breakfast (my favorite), getting to open my surprise from Brad and Bryleigh, a little bit of bed-rest-cheat-time at the park with B-girl (where I got to break in the new camera), but mostly, resting on the couch and meds every 6 hours!

Bed rest at home wasn't the easiest.  I wanted to be up helping, taking care of myself, and especially taking care of Bryleigh.  She's been in the middle of a flare up since before we even went in to the hospital, so that was the most challenging part (being away from her at the hospital AND being at home with her but not being able to help).  But we made the best of some very tough situations and had as much fun as we could...complete with MORE birthday cupcakes (thanks, Mimi!), a prize for B girl (Beauty and the Beast), and lots of play time!!  ((Also, Brad figured out a new med schedule where we only had to wake up ONCE a night, instead of twice!!  I take nifedipine every 6 hours to relax my uterus and slow down contractions.))

35 weeks was a BIG goal for us - it meant that I would not have to be re-admitted to the hospital (unless delivering), no more chance of needing magnesium, and no automatic trips to the NICU for Will (under 4 pounds and/or less than 35 weeks means they go no matter what).  So we celebrated hitting that milestone!  Week 35 at home was a lot the same - bad diapers for Bryleigh, lots of laying on the couch for momma, and doing the best we could to still have fun, but we did have some fun things during the week - including sweet friends and family bringing us meals, Bryleigh and Daddy going to church, and Bryleigh's last solo Halloween!

LOVE comparing the two pregnancies/bumps! So fun to see!!

I also had some very tough days fighting off contractions.  Sunday (35 weeks 3 days) around 1:15 they picked up again pretty strong and were about 2 minutes apart.  I did EVERYTHING they had told me to do and nothing seemed to be working, so we at least did what we could to be ready for another hospital trip.  Although they won't stop Will, we still aren't quite ready for him to be here with us...or HE'S not quite ready, actually, so I still do what I can to try and keep from going in to labor just yet! We're so excited and anxious to meet him, but we are hoping that he comes healthy, strong, and happy!!

(Did I mention Brad had surgery during week 35?!? Oh yes...life wasn't crazy enough, so we decided to throw that in too!  Actually...it was on the calendar before all of this happened, so we decided to go ahead and get it done.)

And we officially made it to THIRTY-SIX weeks!!  We have NO idea what to expect about the next few weeks, but we are ready and excited to meet our little guy and start making our memories as a family of FOUR!!