A Break Up Letter

March is Endometriosis awareness month, a disorder that affects approximately 1 out of every 10 women in the United States. For me, however, I’m aware of it every single day of every single month, and I have been for the last 20 years (although, that’s REALLY weird to say).  I’m raising awareness this month by sharing my story in a unique way - a breakup letter to my uterus and her friends. For most women with severe endometriosis, the best treatment to take care of the disorder is to have a hysterectomy. That has been my reality since 2007, before I was even married or had kids. It was on my plan for any emergency c-sections I might have had (Praise the Lord for His plans!!), and it’s now the top priority for me from my doctor.

Endometriosis is a condition that happens when tissue similar to the lining of a woman’s uterus grows outside of the uterus. Lack of education and awareness is a big reason endometriosis goes undetected and undiagnosed.

Dear Uterus and Friends,

It’s not me, it’s definitely you, and it’s time we officially break up.  While you have carried three precious babies, and I will always be grateful for that, you have played a role in some of the darkest days of my life - both directly and indirectly. Please don’t pretend to be blindsided. You’ve been wreaking havoc since I was 15. If you need a little help remembering, we can take a trip down memory lane...

The first time you and your pals ever reared your ugly head, I was 15 years old and I didn’t have a clue what was going on, other than the fact I was in excruciating pain in my abdomen. I remember one of the worst days, one of my best guy friends carried me out of the school to my car and my best girlfriend drove me home where I ended up on my couch, almost paralyzed for hours.

The days surrounding that time are a blur. I remember lots of fun days with friends, but I also remember so much turmoil. I remember so much pain and uncertainty. Our initial doctors’ appointments led to a depression questionnaire- and there it was... physical pain unexplained manifested to a mental health crisis and I learned to keep my feelings to myself. (Slammed with 375 mg of an antidepressant a day, where the normal average was 75...but that’s a story for another day and another letter.)

You made me question everything. There were days I outright thought I was crazy, until another flare up ramped up, and I remembered all too well how intense the pain could get.

Two doctors, several specialists, multiple scans, trips outside of my hometown of Sulphur Springs, and a gynecologist later...I finally found myself in the office of a new doctor, a man that would begin to pave the way for some answers for us and a plan! He's been with us for almost every single plot twist you sent our way.

6 years from our first round together, I finally had a name for the torment you were causing in my life - ENDOMETRIOSIS. A laparoscopic procedure in the summer of 2007 revealed I had endometriosis that had taken up residence with you and your surrounding friends. I believed we’d have the surgery, follow the protocol, and be on our way to healing, coming back to you later when we could use you to grow a baby!

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You never did act right. And this was the first time I saw just how much you refused to do what you were supposed to, even with medical help to ensure you would! After a successful surgery and standard recovery (PRAISE!), we got ready for the Lupron injection. The injection was to stop my cycle for a period of 3 months, but you did just the opposite. A time where my body was supposed to heal and rest went into overdrive and allowed endometriosis to make its home in my body even more.

Once the injections were done, we moved on to hormonal birth control to try and tame you and your buddies, but that worked only slightly better than the shots, and I moved into a period of time I refer to as the “deal with it” period where I just lived my life and ignored you as much as I could, quietly suffering through the pain you caused on an almost daily basis.

Over the next 4 years, Brad and I graduated from college, got married, started our professional careers, and moved...a lot. But in 2011, I told Brad I was ready to redeem you a little and put you to some good use! We knew it might take some time because of all the fun you'd already caused, so after a minor freak out from Brad - I got off birth control and we started trying to grow our family.

Month after month, you and your little posse reminded us in the most ugly of ways that you were still “in charge” and had no plans of slowing down! I’d like to send you the bill for all those pregnancy tests we wasted our money (and emotions) on.

In the fall of 2012, we decided to take some steps to combat your ugly attitude and I met with a PCOS specialist who could also help with my endometriosis. I had my second surgery (August 2012) and was officially diagnosed with PCOS. The healing from that surgery was BRUTAL. It flared up all the endometriosis that was on my pelvic wall area and it took months to get me back on track. The shooting pain in my lower back began with that surgery and has never stopped since.

In September, we began to ease into the protocol for how that doctor managed PCOS and to say my body freaked out would be an understatement. The purpose of the drugs were to get you in check so that I could move forward with trying to get a baby for you to hold on to, but my body went into complete shock. I was sick for days before Brad and I decided a trip to the ER was necessary. What I thought would be a few hour stay for some IV hydration turned into some of the toughest days of this entire experience. (You and your little friends should have to endure an ABG for good measure just to see how it feels! Pretty sure you’d be nicer after that!) 28 pokes later thanks to some severe dehydration, I was admitted for further testing because my levels were critically high - acidosis was the final diagnosis, and my organs were in danger. (Of all the trouble you’ve caused...that’s still not the worst I saw from you, although it was terrifying at the time! more on those days here.)

I took myself off all of the medicine and we switched it up to Ovulation Tests to try and time things a little better. Once again, you and your mini army were all over the place and my first positive ovulation result was almost a WEEK after it should have been...but it was also our lucky charm and our sweet Bryleigh was conceived. 

You handled pregnancy 1 really well. (I did not. But that’s another story, unrelated to you, so congratulations for that.) For the first time in 13 years, YOU had to take a break and do the job you were made to do.

From 2014 when you finished your job of carrying Bryleigh, until 2019...we would go through tremendous loss together when I miscarried our second little babe. To say I was angry and done with you and your friends doesn't begin to cover it, but I held on to hope that we could be a team again. And we were! In 2016, we would work together to bring sweet William into the world... However, you were dead set on releasing him to the world WAY too early and every chance you got. A contracting uterus from 15 weeks pregnant on and preterm labor at 31 weeks is NO way to remind me you are still marching to your own beat. (You should know that the magnesium they used to calm you down was the absolute worst experience of my life, ever.) Things went almost identical in 2018/2019 when we carried Carson together, except I knew better than to trust you and took all necessary precautions to ensure he stayed put!!

So that brings us to basically present day, and while you have served your greater purpose of carrying precious little lives, and while I am eternally grateful for that opportunity and the job you did...I am officially done with you. The months since we delivered Carson have been tough, when you, your friends, and your evil counterpart - Endometriosis - have caused issues in almost every part of my body including memory loss and severe headaches,  knee and joint pain, back pain that stops me dead in my tracks, depression, anxiety, and cycles that leave me dizzy and close enough to passing out. And while I know living without you will present some of its own issues, I know my days will be far better once we go our separate ways! I can't help by look forward to the future and know that healthier days are ahead of me.

Hear me when I say, you and the damage you have done to my body are NOT a mistake. God didn’t “mess up” when He made me. He allowed your role in my life for a reason and a purpose, and He will receive the glory from my life - every single part of it. I know that every day I have endured in this serve a greater purpose for His plans for my life.  I know that every issue we have faced is one that can be used to bring Him glory. I know that I am partially who I am today because of your role God allowed in my life, and He alone will get the glory for that.

Sincerely,

Carrie Allison

For more information about Endometriosis and what is being done, read here: https://www.everydayhealth.com/endometriosis/awareness-month/

Do You Trust Me? Part 2

I have always wanted a “quiver full” of babies to raise in a godly home and shoot them out into the world to spread the love of Jesus Christ. After all, that’s what the Bible tells us to do in Psalm 127:4-5.

But we got pregnant with Bryleigh after struggling through infertility for 2 years, and I was insanely sick for 40 weeks. And then we got pregnant a second time, but I miscarried our sweet babe. Then we got pregnant with Will after another year and a half struggle, and  I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks. Not to mention both of our babes have suffered with some pretty tough health issues that I have major mom-guilt over, feeling like I “gave” it to them. ( I know I didn’t, and we praise God for how far they’ve come and how much we’ve been able to share about His love for us through that part of our journey. So much goodness.)

All of those things, and a few others, are the reason that in the MIDDLE of our pregnancy with Will, we would tell every single person (whether they asked or not) we were 100% done. Like, completely finished, never ever having another biological child.

I’m not sure when the first time God punched me in the gut with it, but I heard Him whisper, “Are you sure? Did you even ask me?” And I didn’t. We didn’t. We never once asked God if we were done. We were consultations away from permanently taking that option away. We had doctors recommendations that I physically alter my body to where that was no longer an option. And I had ZERO peace. I knew it wasn’t right. Not yet at least.

Once I wrestled with the question God asked me about checking with Him, which was an easy answer since we had not at all, I began to hear a second question, even more clearly: “Do you trust me?” Wholeheartedly yes, I absolutely do.  For months, I heard this same question. 

So then, I had the difficult task of going to Brad and saying, “Hey, you know how awful and scary and terrifying it’s all been? I don’t think we’re done yet.” Just as much as I didn’t want to relive any of the past, Brad absolutely didn’t want to watch me relive it either. He was there for the 36 hours of magnesium to keep Will in (for as many days and weeks as possible) where I puked my guts up and couldn’t even cry because it literally burned my eyes so bad... but to me, an entire day, 24 hours of it is as if it didn’t even happen because I was SO out of it (Praise God).

Thankfully, Brad knows when to take me seriously and when God has really been working. After the shock wore off, he agreed to pray and talk about it with me. We knew the decision was clear. We had to at least try. We knew God was asking us to trust Him, and our step of obedience has been to just TRY.

I’ve been blessed by God with a dreamy little side gig where I get to help beautiful brides plan their big day. I have THREE coming up in the next nine months, and because we KNOW those came from God too, we felt like we really only had a small window to “try,” but that if it was God’s will, He would do it. (Cue: I’ve seen you move, you move the mountains, and I believe I’ll see you do it again! 🎶) A two month window to be exact: July and August. Anything earlier and I’d risk being “too sick” for the early weddings, anything later and I’d risk being “too pregnant” for the third one. (Remember the whole preterm labor at 31 weeks thing?!)

Once we said yes to Him, we were all in. We were excited about the possibility and started to dream a little about what it would look like. July came and went with no pink lines, plus signs, or a digitally printed “pregnant”. 

This was it. One last month to turn our world upside down in the best possible way. But then something completely unexpected happened. On August 15, my father in law asked me to pray about going on a trip with him to Haiti. So I did. I prayed a lot. Brad was worried about a sick-pregnant me going on the trip. I just KNEW I wasn’t. But at the end of the day (actually at the end of the week...), I felt like I heard God say, “Say yes.” So I did.

But after a little bit of research, I realized I actually could absolutely NOT go if I was pregnant due to Zika risks. So, I was all in with my yes, even texted my father in law, under one condition: a negative pregnancy test.

And that’s what I got on August 21. I took it and it read “Not Pregnant,” plain as day and identical to the one I’ve seen more times than I can count. I remember telling my mom it was the least disappointed I’d ever been in a no, because the alternative meant I was headed to serve God in Haiti.  Within days, my online portal was set up and I was raising my funds to go. God moved quickly with me being almost fully funded in 24 hours. I felt like it was his affirmation of this trip.

However, a week later, I couldn’t shake this strange feeling (some might call it hyperemesis round 4). I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was off. I could barely sleep, eat, think straight. I hadn’t even done the math on my cycle, but by the time I checked, I was a week late. 😬 8 days after that negative pregnancy test, on our last “official” day of summer, I made a quick trip to Walgreens and bought a box that held a test whose results would forever change our family... in the best way possible.  I took it as soon as I got home, and there it was: PREGNANT.

So here we are, 9 weeks later. The shock has (sort of) worn off. We have heard and seen the heart beat with big sister AND big brother in tow. It will hands down be my most favorite moment as a family of four. We made a lot of good memories as a family of two, then three, and now four, but I’m looking forward to all the ones we will make as a family of FIVE! There have also been lessons and challenges at each of those steps as well, and we know there are more to come. But we also know the God we serve is for us and He has a good plan for our family, so we can trust and follow Him whole-heartedly.

Just a little FAQ for inquiring minds:

1.  Were you trying?  I think this blog answers that question, but YES! I still feel a bit like this is our "Surprise" baby because I definitely never expected to be doing this again.

2.  How are you feeling?  Obviously the biggest fear I had, or at least one of them, was being sick for an entire 40 weeks and not being able to care for the babes God has already given me.  He has been SO gracious to me this time around and I haven't been anywhere near as sick as I was the last 3 pregnancies.  I am nauseas all day, every day, with it being much worse as the day goes on, but... I HAVEN'T THROWN UP ONE SINGLE TIME!!!  I started on diclegis, which I took with Will, and it makes a HUGE difference.  My two sickest days happened the days after I forgot my medicine.

3.  What about high-risk?  At the end of my pregnancy with Will, Dr. Harris let us know that any future pregnancies would be considered "high-risk" because of how things went with Wild Man.  We absolutely love Dr. Harris and know that we are in the best hands! After our heart-beat appointment, he let us know he was taking our entire file home with him that weekend to review everything and he'd be ready with a plan the next time we see him.  It doesn't guarantee the same thing won't happen, but we're going to do everything we can to prevent it. (I will be doing the same!!)

4.  Will you find out what you're having?  Absolutely!! We can't wait to know if we're adding a brother or sister to the mix, but we'll wait until our anatomy scan halfway through!  We've never done the 10-week blood test, so we're okay passing on it again.

5. We know how momma is feeling about the pregnancy, what about everyone else?  Obviously grandparents are super excited, but I think the MOST excited is a Big Sister!! Sweet Will has NO idea what's headed his way, but he was absolutely MESMERIZED at the sonogram!! He didn't move a muscle as he watched/listened. And B-dad, well... he's still trying to catch his breath! He's super excited, and a little shocked!

6. Are you going to do a bump tracker?  Duh.  You can't do something for the first two and NOT do it for the third! ;) But don't expect to see it on a regular basis, because...well...TWO KIDS. AND PREGNANT.  I've been doing a weekly pic, super laid back, super casual, and something I can easily do throughout the whole pregnancy!! (Currently baby is the size of a cute green olive.)

(If you're wondering why this is "Part 2," that is because I wrote "Part 1" about going to Haiti the night before I took the positive pregnancy test.  I was going to share it the next morning, but as soon as I took the test, that positive let me know I was no longer headed to Haiti.)

The Bumpdate - Round 2

The last 12 weeks...
This pregnancy...I was absolutely convinced I was about to start my period.  I was an EMOTIONAL MESS (crying non-stop, moody all the time) for a solid week with all kinds of pain and cramping, and I was MAD (infertility is a tough experience, even the second time around).

This was the same week we repeatedly got discouraging information with all of Bryleigh's health issues.  There were cancelled appointments (after my mom drove 2 hours to come help), test with no answers, and then on Thursday...normal enzymes.  That was completely opposite of what we were expecting and we were honestly devastated to be all the way back at square one.

By Thursday, I was having small waves of nausea, but I was so convinced that period was coming that I ignored ALL the signs.  That was, until my heart started racing to the point it almost beat out of my chest.  By the 3rd or 4th time it did that within an hour, I knew something was up, so I loaded myself and Bryleigh (and Bear and Raffe and Baby) in the car and headed to our local Walgreens.

There, I purchased the necessities: Recess, Cheese-its, a root beer, and a two-pack pregnancy test. After all, if it was negative, I would need some serious reinforcements.  It had been a ROUGH week, and I knew what getting one.more.negative would mean for my heart.

But it wasn't, and the waves of nausea were way too strong to be able to enjoy my "reinforcements", so they were never eaten (by me), and the nausea has not stopped since.

Our Silver Lining: Telling Daddy
I was obviously super excited to tell Brad that Bryleigh was definitely going to be a big sister, but I wasn't really sure how.  He was in North Carolina and starting his trek home, but he kept getting delayed.  I could have set something up for when he made it home, but delay after delay meant he wouldn't be home until 1:30 am, and he was pretty discouraged.  (Our rough week of Bryleigh news coupled with a tough travel day was just not fun at all!)

I decided to have him FaceTime me, and I KNEW I had the news to encourage him!!  He started the conversation with "Well...a little silver lining for you, I got upgraded to First Class on my next flight."  So I just went right to it, and told him I had some silver lining for him - and showed him the PREGNANT sign on the test.  (And I DID get it all on video!)  As we talked, laughed, and dreamed about the new baby and their sweet big sister, we decided we'd call this one Baby Silver (Silver Lining...) until we find out the gender.

I am so thankful for the timing of everything that had happened over the week.  God knew exactly when we would need our good news!!  (And we found out about this sweet little one TWO days before the 1 year mark of finding out about our sweet baby that I miscarried, but that's for another post you can read HERE!)

Easter Weekend: Telling Our Family
My parents were coming in for Easter Lunch, so I had every intention of waiting to tell them until they were there in person, but if you know anything about my husband...he's one of the most impatient people you will ever meet.  As Bryleigh and I were FaceTiming with my parents that morning, Brad came in three different times trying to get me to go ahead and tell them...so we finally did.  We had Bryleigh tell them she was going to be a BIG SISTER!

We had a little more time to prepare for Brad's parents.  They came over on Saturday night to watch Bryleigh for us while we spent the night with our small group.  Bryleigh greeted them at the door with a BIG SISTER shirt on, and once again...an impatient Brad couldn't wait for them to come INSIDE to see the shirt.  (I love how excited he gets!!)  Once everyone got inside, we FaceTimed Brad's sister and let her see Bryleigh's shirt as well.

Once we finished up Easter Lunch on Sunday with my parents, we FaceTimed with my brother and his family to share with them the big news too!

The Bumpdates...

Let's face it - another round of Hyperemesis WITH a toddler means keeping up with this bump a little differently.  No weekly chalkboards, no annoying questions that require the same answers every week, and maybe not even an every week picture. (Check out Bryleigh's 40 weeks HERE.)  We're living in survival mode over here and honestly, just enjoying life with the Big-Sister-to-be!!

Weeks 1-4: I had a crazy sense of smell (that has yet to go away...don't remember anything like this with Bryleigh), and I craved Mexican food.  I'm pretty sure we ate Rosa's three times a week!!

Weeks 5-8:  On Thursday, April 17 I was able to get the results back from my blood work, and everything looked great.  (This was our first sigh of relief after having the miscarriage and knowing what those numbers looked like.)  My favorite thing to eat became plain biscuits, and eventually biscuits with honey.  I wouldn't call it a "craving" as much as I would call it a "necessity".  The nausea and sickness was really starting to kick in at this point.  I also started having panic attacks, which I never experienced with Bryleigh.

Week 9: We had our first appointment with our favorite, Dr. Harris.  We got to see Baby Silver on the sonogram, and we also got to hear a strong healthy heartbeat (160 bpm).  I had the routine lab work done and was given a new drug to try that wasn't available during my last pregnancy.  Unfortunately, the lab work showed that I had some type of infection, so I spent the next week on antibiotics and praying many, many prayers of protection over that sweet baby.

Week 10:  We announced our sweet miracle to the world.  We had really wanted to wait until we were out of the first trimester, but based on how sick I was, we just weren't able to keep it a secret from most of the people we would be around.  I had a "Nickname Shirt" made for Bryleigh with all the names we call her, and then her NEW nickname on the back - BIG SISTER.

Weeks 11-12:  Things have kind of settled in to a routine and I know what to expect most days.  I don't remember being quite as tired during Bryleigh's pregnancy, but most days I nap while B naps.  I'm really hoping for that "second wind" to come during trimester 2!  I don't have many "cravings" and a whole lot of "aversions" - The biggest things I have NOT wanted during pregnancy have been peanut butter and chocolate together (ie. Reeses) and coffee...two of my very favorite things!

We are wrapping up the last week of the first trimester with a family vacation to San Antonio!

God is Our Ultimate Storyteller

I'm a storyteller. I live for the details.  And that right there is how God woo's me.  He woo's us all differently, based specifically on how he himself made us.  And He made me a storyteller and lover of details.

I love to see Him in the tiniest of places, knowing there's no other way "that" happened except by the hand of God.  So when Baby Hammons number two showed up on that pregnancy test in March of 2015, the story of their life had already begun.  God was writing a story for me that included surprising Brad, a perfect due date of Thanksgiving Day, and Easter weekend (with ALL of our family) falling right in line with the 8 week sonogram.  But before we were even able to see the baby on the blurry monitor, we got news that I was actually miscarrying, if I hadn't already.  Our beautiful story was as short lived as Baby Hammons #2's life.

Through grieving that loss, I began to dream again.  Apprehensive at best and very hopeful.  But I often wondered how God would redeem and restore this part of our story (because I KNEW He would).

As a lover of details, I would think of certain milestones and think, "oh, it would be so sweet if we were able to actually know we were pregnant by X date."  You know, you hear about women finding out on their due date that their new miracle baby is on the way?  That's what I hoped for.  I really hoped that Baby's due date that would already leave my arms empty wouldn't also leave my womb empty.

But all those dates, events, and milestones came and passed, and I told myself how silly I was being, and how much God did NOT have time for my little made up fantasies.

But then, as that all too familiar wave of nausea creeped up on me, I realized we were getting close to when we found out we were expecting a year ago.  I had avoided trying to find out the specific dates because I didn't want another milestone to come and go with an empty tummy and a broken heart.

On March 24, 2016, we found out we were 4 weeks along with a 3rd miracle baby...only 2 days before the one year anniversary of finding out about our 2nd miracle that is waiting for us in heaven.  God writes incredibly beautiful stories, and I am so thankful that this is one way He pursues me personally.

Bryleigh's Winter ONEderland

Well...it officially happened.  Our sweet little girl turned ONE, and it was truly such a special day.  The whole day I would replay where we had been one year before, what it took to get her here, and the memories we've made over the past year.  I was emotional leading up to the day and worried I'd be even more so the day of, but I ended up just being insanely grateful for the blessing God has given us and the precious, wonderful baby girl that Bryleigh is.

We kicked off the day with sprinkle pancakes and Bryleigh's first present - a zebra trampoline.  The girl LOVES to bounce, so it was perfect for her!!

As soon as we finished up with that, it was time to load up and head to Sulphur Springs so that we could finish setting up for the birthday party! We were so excited and so ready to celebrate our sweet girl with her friends and family.

Over a year ago...yes, before Bryleigh was even born...we purchased two boxes of silver and turquoise Christmas ornaments for Bryleigh's Winter Onederland birthday party.  We had definitely been planning for this day and the theme was perfect for our sweet little January baby.

What winter day isn't complete without stew?!  It was the perfect time to have some Hopkins County Stew (with cheese and crackers, of course) and some awesome cupcakes from our local Sulphur Springs bakery - Idzi Bitsy Bakery.  The "wedding cake" snowflake cupcakes were a big hit, and Bryleigh LOVED her smash cake...so much so that she cried when we took it away!

*If you want to see the pictures used in the 12 month banner (behind the tree) or the 52 week banner (behind the cake table), be sure to check out Bryleigh's 12th Month in Review - "12 Months and a ONEderful Year"

She might not have been in to opening presents this Christmas or her birthday, but I can assure you she has played with EVERYTHING she got.  She loves to play!!

I think it's safe to say the cake smash was definitely Bryleigh's favorite part of the party!! She loved digging in and getting dirty (mommy never lets her do that).

We were SO BLESSED by friends and family that came from near and far to celebrate our special little girl's day.  We are so thankful to those that were there, it truly meant so much to us.

We are only getting started...

It was one year ago today that I took "one more test"......and my life FOREVER changed.

A flashback to last year's "Mother's Day" weekend

What a difference a year makes!

I instantly became a mom. In that very moment, I was a mom. And every decision and every thought since then has been different. It has been about you.  And you are more than I could have ever hoped for, imagined, dreamed of, and prayed for. Being your mom is my most favorite adventure...and we are only getting started!

As I sit today, holding you in my arms, snuggled up to my neck as you sleep, I can feel your tiny heart beating, I can hear each sweet breath you take, and i can smell that sweet baby smell you always have (thankfully your daddy just changed that stinky diaper, or else THAT'S what I'd be smelling).

I can't help but be overwhelmingly thankful to our Heavenly Father for the precious, beautiful gift He gave me.  I always knew I'd be a mom. I knew that at some point in my life, I would hold a baby in my arms, I'd kiss boo boos, say a million "I love Yous," and infinitely pray over the precious life of someone that shared my last name.

I just wasn't sure if that is all we would share, if the baby I held would look or act like me (in ANY way...we all know you are a carbon copy of your daddy), or if the blood from those boo boos would match my DNA or someone else's.  

DNA and giving birth aren't what's important, and I know that.  I believe wholeheartedly in adoption and pray that someday I will get to experience that as well.

However, God heard my heart's cries, my deepest desires and He granted me my request.  I wanted the whole experience...finding out I was pregnant, telling our family in fun/creative ways, watching and feeling as my body changed while you grew inside, and being able to be the one that brought my child into the world.  (Be careful what you pray for...when I asked for "ALL of it," I wasn't expecting 40 weeks of sickness and delivering a 9.5 pound baby!!).

I hear the phrase "what I wouldn't give..." all the time. "What I wouldn't give..." for that body, those shoes, that house or car, a dream vacation, my dream job, a full night of sleep...I could go on all night.  There are some really big "What I wouldn't gives" and some really some ones, but the two I've thought recently were about going to the midnight premiere of Divergent and Opening Day for the Rangers.

However, I know the answer to any of my "what I wouldn't give" scenarios. I wouldn't give YOU.  There's not a single thing in this world that would be worth giving you up, trading you in, or never having been able to experience life with you.

And on that note, I can honestly say I'd wait twice as long...I'd even wait forever...if I knew what I was waiting on was YOU!   You were worth the sickness, the (forever) changes to my body, quitting my job, and you were worth every single "no" test I ever took. You were so worth the wait, the tears, and the heartache.  You have been worth the exhaustion from a new sleep schedule, the endless amount of time at the sink cleaning bottles, and every meltdown we've endured together.

As I sit and look at you, my "12% chance" miracle, I think about all the times I longed for and hoped for these days. I got to the point where I couldn't imagine holding a baby that had heard my heartbeat before they had taken their first breath of life.  I couldn't imagine looking into a face that shared my features, or seeing parts of my personality come out over the years.  I couldn't imagine watching a baby kick around on a blanket and remember what it had felt like when those tiny legs were kicking around in my tummy.

So thank you. Thank you for helping me to have a whole-hearted, holding-nothing-back faith in our Father. Thank you for making my biggest dream come true. Thank you for making me a mommy!

2013 - A *WONDERFUL* Year In Review

Brad and I got married in August of 2009, so this was our 5th Christmas together, and each year I strongly consider sending out Christmas cards.  I love seeing each of the cards we get, getting to watch friends and family grow over the years.  Well this is the last year I consider it, because next year we'll actually be sending one out...not to mention we'll be sending out a little announcement right after the first of the year!!  I always told myself that once we had kids of our own, we'd start sending out an annual Christmas card or letter, so you can be expecting that in 2014!

However, as I sat and thought today about the enormous amount of blessings we've had over the past year, I couldn't help but get out the computer and start typing away.  So I thought this year, we would share a digital Christmas card along with our "Year in Review."  Some might think that spending 36 (to-date) of the past 52 weeks sick would make for a pretty crummy year, but looking back, all I see is blessings, and I wanted to share some of those with you!!

We celebrated our first year as homeowners, Brad's promotion to Consultant and 3 years with CG, along with Brad's 25th and my 28th birthdays.  We made some difficult decisions, including a possible move to Florida, deciding to move forward with IVF as our shot for starting a family, and me leaving my position after almost 2 years with Yardi.  We faced some difficult lows and some incredible highs, but we knew that God was with us 100% of the time, and he was guiding each step that we took.  Here are some more of our favorite highlights from 2013:

We rang in the new year with great friends - We were so blessed to spend the past year with an amazing group of couples, walking through life together, growing through bible studies, praying and praising together, and there was definitely a lot of laughs and a lot of fun!  Our Small Group was definitely one of the biggest blessings of 2013!

We lived for the weekends - Brad started traveling weekly to Connecticut the Monday before Valentines day for a project with CG.  We certainly made the most of our weekends and squeezed in as  much fun as we could, which included "some" shopping (we quickly got over using "Retail Therapy" as a way to spend time together...), double dates with great friends, concerts (including the Kari Jobe/Chris Tomlin concert), movies, and some fun in the kitchen!  We absolutely love spending time together, no matter what we are doing, and 2013 was definitely a year for lots of time together.

 

We survived a scary car accident - Well, Carrie survived the wreck, and Brad survived having to hear about it from 1700 miles away.  Calling your husband to let him know you'd been side swiped on 635 and the person tried to flee the scene (so you chased them while on the phone with 911) was NOT a fun call to make.  In tears, I believe I started with, "I'm okay, but..."  That not so fun week ended up even LESS fun when I wound up with a pretty tough case of strep throat!

We watched Tate grow up...and found out he's going to be a big brother! Due to that ugly little wreck and bout with strep throat, we weren't able to take a trip to Conroe that we had planned...but we got some pretty awesome FaceTime anyways!  Throughout 2013, there were trips to Conroe and SS to spend time with Tate, as well as some time in Arlington, and there was plenty of FaceTime and video/picture messages from his momma and daddy to keep us up to date with our favorite little guy.  That is one smart, fun little boy, and Miss Olivia is blessed to have such a great big brother!!

We considered a BIG move - Most people don't know, but in February, I was contacted for an opportunity to interview with a company for a position in Florida.  Following the first (LENGTHY) phone interview, I was asked to participate in a panel interview for the second round.  As we prayed for days unsure of what we were supposed to do, we started to hear from God that we were exactly where we needed to be at the time.  (And thankfully so, seeing as I found out I was pregnant a few short months later!)

We supported our Rangers - I remember telling Brad, "I don't think I'll ever get used to just driving up the road to go see them play," after heading home from the game on Opening Weekend.  I LOVE my little sports loving husband, and I have so much fun cheering on the Rangers with him.

 

We also had lots of fun cheering on some of our other favorite teams throughout their seasons...

We drank Kangen water - We are certainly believers in what Kangen can do for some one, because I am proof!  After making the decision in January to purchase our own machine, I started seeing some pretty noticeable improvements in my health, and a few short months later...I was pregnant!

We also made a trip to Atlanta at the end of April to learn more about Enagic/Kangen Water, and we LOVED getting to spend time with so many others that had seen similar differences in their lives.  We wrapped up the weekend with a trip to the Coke Museum.

We got our miracle - After years of praying and hoping, sitting in doctor's offices and leaving with little hope, undergoing surgeries and trying various medications...we gave it all up.  So with prayer and an ovulation predictor, we finally got our 12% miracle!  By week 3 of pregnancy, I was nauseas to the point that I knew something was going on...but a negative pregnancy test (again...) shattered my hopes...only to take a positive one 5 days later (followed by another positive one...I had to be sure!)

I had so much fun calling to cancel the IVF appointment we had made only 3 short days before finding out, but that joy didn't compare to sharing the news with all of our family over Mother's Day Weekend!  It was definitely a Mother's Day to remember!

 

Along with getting our sweet miracle, we battled through Hyperemesis and we revealed the Gender.

We had no idea what was in store for us so soon after those two little positive tests...but what followed included a lot of time on our couch/in bed, along with some one on one time with a trash can that would end up being something that went almost everywhere with us for months.

 

By week 18, it was finally time to find out just what this little one was going to be...and we had so much fun finding out for ourselves and then sharing the news with our friends and family!

We welcomed Olivia - After finding out that my brother, Alan, and his wife, Candice, were expecting Baby #2 on March 16, we could not WAIT for that sweet little baby to get here!!  Miss Olivia Lynn made her arrival on October 14, 2013 at 6:55 pm, and she was absolutely perfect!  Tate quickly stepped in to his role of big brother and loved giving her "tisses" and holding her.  We are so excited to watch this little Princess grow up.

 

And We enjoyed time with family - We are so blessed with incredible families, and being with them certainly made for some memorable moments in 2013!

2013 was one heck of a ride, but I'm guessing we better just hold on for what's in store with 2014!