A Break Up Letter

March is Endometriosis awareness month, a disorder that affects approximately 1 out of every 10 women in the United States. For me, however, I’m aware of it every single day of every single month, and I have been for the last 20 years (although, that’s REALLY weird to say).  I’m raising awareness this month by sharing my story in a unique way - a breakup letter to my uterus and her friends. For most women with severe endometriosis, the best treatment to take care of the disorder is to have a hysterectomy. That has been my reality since 2007, before I was even married or had kids. It was on my plan for any emergency c-sections I might have had (Praise the Lord for His plans!!), and it’s now the top priority for me from my doctor.

Endometriosis is a condition that happens when tissue similar to the lining of a woman’s uterus grows outside of the uterus. Lack of education and awareness is a big reason endometriosis goes undetected and undiagnosed.

Dear Uterus and Friends,

It’s not me, it’s definitely you, and it’s time we officially break up.  While you have carried three precious babies, and I will always be grateful for that, you have played a role in some of the darkest days of my life - both directly and indirectly. Please don’t pretend to be blindsided. You’ve been wreaking havoc since I was 15. If you need a little help remembering, we can take a trip down memory lane...

The first time you and your pals ever reared your ugly head, I was 15 years old and I didn’t have a clue what was going on, other than the fact I was in excruciating pain in my abdomen. I remember one of the worst days, one of my best guy friends carried me out of the school to my car and my best girlfriend drove me home where I ended up on my couch, almost paralyzed for hours.

The days surrounding that time are a blur. I remember lots of fun days with friends, but I also remember so much turmoil. I remember so much pain and uncertainty. Our initial doctors’ appointments led to a depression questionnaire- and there it was... physical pain unexplained manifested to a mental health crisis and I learned to keep my feelings to myself. (Slammed with 375 mg of an antidepressant a day, where the normal average was 75...but that’s a story for another day and another letter.)

You made me question everything. There were days I outright thought I was crazy, until another flare up ramped up, and I remembered all too well how intense the pain could get.

Two doctors, several specialists, multiple scans, trips outside of my hometown of Sulphur Springs, and a gynecologist later...I finally found myself in the office of a new doctor, a man that would begin to pave the way for some answers for us and a plan! He's been with us for almost every single plot twist you sent our way.

6 years from our first round together, I finally had a name for the torment you were causing in my life - ENDOMETRIOSIS. A laparoscopic procedure in the summer of 2007 revealed I had endometriosis that had taken up residence with you and your surrounding friends. I believed we’d have the surgery, follow the protocol, and be on our way to healing, coming back to you later when we could use you to grow a baby!

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You never did act right. And this was the first time I saw just how much you refused to do what you were supposed to, even with medical help to ensure you would! After a successful surgery and standard recovery (PRAISE!), we got ready for the Lupron injection. The injection was to stop my cycle for a period of 3 months, but you did just the opposite. A time where my body was supposed to heal and rest went into overdrive and allowed endometriosis to make its home in my body even more.

Once the injections were done, we moved on to hormonal birth control to try and tame you and your buddies, but that worked only slightly better than the shots, and I moved into a period of time I refer to as the “deal with it” period where I just lived my life and ignored you as much as I could, quietly suffering through the pain you caused on an almost daily basis.

Over the next 4 years, Brad and I graduated from college, got married, started our professional careers, and moved...a lot. But in 2011, I told Brad I was ready to redeem you a little and put you to some good use! We knew it might take some time because of all the fun you'd already caused, so after a minor freak out from Brad - I got off birth control and we started trying to grow our family.

Month after month, you and your little posse reminded us in the most ugly of ways that you were still “in charge” and had no plans of slowing down! I’d like to send you the bill for all those pregnancy tests we wasted our money (and emotions) on.

In the fall of 2012, we decided to take some steps to combat your ugly attitude and I met with a PCOS specialist who could also help with my endometriosis. I had my second surgery (August 2012) and was officially diagnosed with PCOS. The healing from that surgery was BRUTAL. It flared up all the endometriosis that was on my pelvic wall area and it took months to get me back on track. The shooting pain in my lower back began with that surgery and has never stopped since.

In September, we began to ease into the protocol for how that doctor managed PCOS and to say my body freaked out would be an understatement. The purpose of the drugs were to get you in check so that I could move forward with trying to get a baby for you to hold on to, but my body went into complete shock. I was sick for days before Brad and I decided a trip to the ER was necessary. What I thought would be a few hour stay for some IV hydration turned into some of the toughest days of this entire experience. (You and your little friends should have to endure an ABG for good measure just to see how it feels! Pretty sure you’d be nicer after that!) 28 pokes later thanks to some severe dehydration, I was admitted for further testing because my levels were critically high - acidosis was the final diagnosis, and my organs were in danger. (Of all the trouble you’ve caused...that’s still not the worst I saw from you, although it was terrifying at the time! more on those days here.)

I took myself off all of the medicine and we switched it up to Ovulation Tests to try and time things a little better. Once again, you and your mini army were all over the place and my first positive ovulation result was almost a WEEK after it should have been...but it was also our lucky charm and our sweet Bryleigh was conceived. 

You handled pregnancy 1 really well. (I did not. But that’s another story, unrelated to you, so congratulations for that.) For the first time in 13 years, YOU had to take a break and do the job you were made to do.

From 2014 when you finished your job of carrying Bryleigh, until 2019...we would go through tremendous loss together when I miscarried our second little babe. To say I was angry and done with you and your friends doesn't begin to cover it, but I held on to hope that we could be a team again. And we were! In 2016, we would work together to bring sweet William into the world... However, you were dead set on releasing him to the world WAY too early and every chance you got. A contracting uterus from 15 weeks pregnant on and preterm labor at 31 weeks is NO way to remind me you are still marching to your own beat. (You should know that the magnesium they used to calm you down was the absolute worst experience of my life, ever.) Things went almost identical in 2018/2019 when we carried Carson together, except I knew better than to trust you and took all necessary precautions to ensure he stayed put!!

So that brings us to basically present day, and while you have served your greater purpose of carrying precious little lives, and while I am eternally grateful for that opportunity and the job you did...I am officially done with you. The months since we delivered Carson have been tough, when you, your friends, and your evil counterpart - Endometriosis - have caused issues in almost every part of my body including memory loss and severe headaches,  knee and joint pain, back pain that stops me dead in my tracks, depression, anxiety, and cycles that leave me dizzy and close enough to passing out. And while I know living without you will present some of its own issues, I know my days will be far better once we go our separate ways! I can't help by look forward to the future and know that healthier days are ahead of me.

Hear me when I say, you and the damage you have done to my body are NOT a mistake. God didn’t “mess up” when He made me. He allowed your role in my life for a reason and a purpose, and He will receive the glory from my life - every single part of it. I know that every day I have endured in this serve a greater purpose for His plans for my life.  I know that every issue we have faced is one that can be used to bring Him glory. I know that I am partially who I am today because of your role God allowed in my life, and He alone will get the glory for that.

Sincerely,

Carrie Allison

For more information about Endometriosis and what is being done, read here: https://www.everydayhealth.com/endometriosis/awareness-month/

Do You Trust Me? Part 2

I have always wanted a “quiver full” of babies to raise in a godly home and shoot them out into the world to spread the love of Jesus Christ. After all, that’s what the Bible tells us to do in Psalm 127:4-5.

But we got pregnant with Bryleigh after struggling through infertility for 2 years, and I was insanely sick for 40 weeks. And then we got pregnant a second time, but I miscarried our sweet babe. Then we got pregnant with Will after another year and a half struggle, and  I went into preterm labor at 31 weeks. Not to mention both of our babes have suffered with some pretty tough health issues that I have major mom-guilt over, feeling like I “gave” it to them. ( I know I didn’t, and we praise God for how far they’ve come and how much we’ve been able to share about His love for us through that part of our journey. So much goodness.)

All of those things, and a few others, are the reason that in the MIDDLE of our pregnancy with Will, we would tell every single person (whether they asked or not) we were 100% done. Like, completely finished, never ever having another biological child.

I’m not sure when the first time God punched me in the gut with it, but I heard Him whisper, “Are you sure? Did you even ask me?” And I didn’t. We didn’t. We never once asked God if we were done. We were consultations away from permanently taking that option away. We had doctors recommendations that I physically alter my body to where that was no longer an option. And I had ZERO peace. I knew it wasn’t right. Not yet at least.

Once I wrestled with the question God asked me about checking with Him, which was an easy answer since we had not at all, I began to hear a second question, even more clearly: “Do you trust me?” Wholeheartedly yes, I absolutely do.  For months, I heard this same question. 

So then, I had the difficult task of going to Brad and saying, “Hey, you know how awful and scary and terrifying it’s all been? I don’t think we’re done yet.” Just as much as I didn’t want to relive any of the past, Brad absolutely didn’t want to watch me relive it either. He was there for the 36 hours of magnesium to keep Will in (for as many days and weeks as possible) where I puked my guts up and couldn’t even cry because it literally burned my eyes so bad... but to me, an entire day, 24 hours of it is as if it didn’t even happen because I was SO out of it (Praise God).

Thankfully, Brad knows when to take me seriously and when God has really been working. After the shock wore off, he agreed to pray and talk about it with me. We knew the decision was clear. We had to at least try. We knew God was asking us to trust Him, and our step of obedience has been to just TRY.

I’ve been blessed by God with a dreamy little side gig where I get to help beautiful brides plan their big day. I have THREE coming up in the next nine months, and because we KNOW those came from God too, we felt like we really only had a small window to “try,” but that if it was God’s will, He would do it. (Cue: I’ve seen you move, you move the mountains, and I believe I’ll see you do it again! 🎶) A two month window to be exact: July and August. Anything earlier and I’d risk being “too sick” for the early weddings, anything later and I’d risk being “too pregnant” for the third one. (Remember the whole preterm labor at 31 weeks thing?!)

Once we said yes to Him, we were all in. We were excited about the possibility and started to dream a little about what it would look like. July came and went with no pink lines, plus signs, or a digitally printed “pregnant”. 

This was it. One last month to turn our world upside down in the best possible way. But then something completely unexpected happened. On August 15, my father in law asked me to pray about going on a trip with him to Haiti. So I did. I prayed a lot. Brad was worried about a sick-pregnant me going on the trip. I just KNEW I wasn’t. But at the end of the day (actually at the end of the week...), I felt like I heard God say, “Say yes.” So I did.

But after a little bit of research, I realized I actually could absolutely NOT go if I was pregnant due to Zika risks. So, I was all in with my yes, even texted my father in law, under one condition: a negative pregnancy test.

And that’s what I got on August 21. I took it and it read “Not Pregnant,” plain as day and identical to the one I’ve seen more times than I can count. I remember telling my mom it was the least disappointed I’d ever been in a no, because the alternative meant I was headed to serve God in Haiti.  Within days, my online portal was set up and I was raising my funds to go. God moved quickly with me being almost fully funded in 24 hours. I felt like it was his affirmation of this trip.

However, a week later, I couldn’t shake this strange feeling (some might call it hyperemesis round 4). I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was off. I could barely sleep, eat, think straight. I hadn’t even done the math on my cycle, but by the time I checked, I was a week late. 😬 8 days after that negative pregnancy test, on our last “official” day of summer, I made a quick trip to Walgreens and bought a box that held a test whose results would forever change our family... in the best way possible.  I took it as soon as I got home, and there it was: PREGNANT.

So here we are, 9 weeks later. The shock has (sort of) worn off. We have heard and seen the heart beat with big sister AND big brother in tow. It will hands down be my most favorite moment as a family of four. We made a lot of good memories as a family of two, then three, and now four, but I’m looking forward to all the ones we will make as a family of FIVE! There have also been lessons and challenges at each of those steps as well, and we know there are more to come. But we also know the God we serve is for us and He has a good plan for our family, so we can trust and follow Him whole-heartedly.

Just a little FAQ for inquiring minds:

1.  Were you trying?  I think this blog answers that question, but YES! I still feel a bit like this is our "Surprise" baby because I definitely never expected to be doing this again.

2.  How are you feeling?  Obviously the biggest fear I had, or at least one of them, was being sick for an entire 40 weeks and not being able to care for the babes God has already given me.  He has been SO gracious to me this time around and I haven't been anywhere near as sick as I was the last 3 pregnancies.  I am nauseas all day, every day, with it being much worse as the day goes on, but... I HAVEN'T THROWN UP ONE SINGLE TIME!!!  I started on diclegis, which I took with Will, and it makes a HUGE difference.  My two sickest days happened the days after I forgot my medicine.

3.  What about high-risk?  At the end of my pregnancy with Will, Dr. Harris let us know that any future pregnancies would be considered "high-risk" because of how things went with Wild Man.  We absolutely love Dr. Harris and know that we are in the best hands! After our heart-beat appointment, he let us know he was taking our entire file home with him that weekend to review everything and he'd be ready with a plan the next time we see him.  It doesn't guarantee the same thing won't happen, but we're going to do everything we can to prevent it. (I will be doing the same!!)

4.  Will you find out what you're having?  Absolutely!! We can't wait to know if we're adding a brother or sister to the mix, but we'll wait until our anatomy scan halfway through!  We've never done the 10-week blood test, so we're okay passing on it again.

5. We know how momma is feeling about the pregnancy, what about everyone else?  Obviously grandparents are super excited, but I think the MOST excited is a Big Sister!! Sweet Will has NO idea what's headed his way, but he was absolutely MESMERIZED at the sonogram!! He didn't move a muscle as he watched/listened. And B-dad, well... he's still trying to catch his breath! He's super excited, and a little shocked!

6. Are you going to do a bump tracker?  Duh.  You can't do something for the first two and NOT do it for the third! ;) But don't expect to see it on a regular basis, because...well...TWO KIDS. AND PREGNANT.  I've been doing a weekly pic, super laid back, super casual, and something I can easily do throughout the whole pregnancy!! (Currently baby is the size of a cute green olive.)

(If you're wondering why this is "Part 2," that is because I wrote "Part 1" about going to Haiti the night before I took the positive pregnancy test.  I was going to share it the next morning, but as soon as I took the test, that positive let me know I was no longer headed to Haiti.)

To My Beauty on her 4th

Over the past year, I can not tell you how many times we have watched the live adaptation of Beauty and the Beast.  Our little girl FELL. IN. LOVE. with it the moment she saw it (and brother has surprisingly followed suit), so it was a no-brainer to have a birthday party with the same theme.  As I have spent some time getting ready for the party and reflecting back on the last four years, I couldn't help but see the similarities between our sweet girl and the beautiful Disney princess (you can't deny that beautiful fair skin, long brunette locks, and big brown eyes... and it doesn’t get braver than Belle), as well as praying for our girl to have a life that's a bit like Belle's.

To my very own Beauty,

I can't believe we are here, at the beginning of your next chapter - life as a 4 year old!  It has been an absolute JOY this last year watching you grow into an incredible, strong little girl.  We are certainly closing the door on "Toddler Life" and embarking into a season where you are your own little person...and I love watching (and listening to) every second of it.

I praise God for the year of breakthrough we have had, learning all kinds of new things about your little body and how we can help you. You have been nothing short of amazing as you have had to give up so much so that you can have so much more!! (I’m looking at you, Sugar and YouTube!) You have been tough, and brave, and strong, and loving, and kind, and so much more. Thank you for trusting mommy and daddy as we learn to do what’s very best for you.

As we have so carefully (and endlessly) watched “the Beast” this past year, I have a few prayers for your life that have come out of that movie.

#SquadGoals

I pray that you have a squad surrounding you in your life, that you find your little tribe of people that love you well and lift you up, that will care for you, and encourage you, and wish the very best for you. I pray that you have friends that will celebrate life with you, eating all the good food and dancing through it all.  I pray that you have friends that will see the best in you, speak truth to you, and fight for you.

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere (for you).

I pray that your life will be one of adventure, that the bravery you have already shown over the last few years would expand well into your life, allowing you to see and experience the world, unafraid of anything that might hold you back. I pray that you get to see and experience all that life has to offer.

I pray for a love like Beauty and the Beast. I pray that one day, you will fall in love with the heart of a man that cherishes you so much, that he would do anything for you, that he would fight for the very best for you, that he would show you deeper parts of yourself than you could ever see alone, and that he makes you laugh (I love your little giggle every time Belle asks the Beast, "Oh, you're making jokes now?")...and if he gives you a world class library, that would just be all the better.

Belle was courageous and showed tremendous bravery, especially her bravery out of love for her father.  She was kind and compassionate to those around her, including that mean old Beast that looked like something no-one would give second look (not to mention he was pretty ugly to her when they first met).  She was forgiving and she was strong, never pushed around by that dude with the ponytail.  These are qualities I'm already seeing in you, and I pray you continue to grow in those and so many more over the years to come.

Tale as old as time.

More than anything, I pray that the oldest tale of time would one day prick your heart, stirring up inside you a love like no other. Only finding for yourself that it’s no tale at all, but complete, life-changing Truth. I pray that it’s a story you read and hear and learn until it becomes your very own reality, proclaiming Jesus Christ as your Savior and living your precious life for Him, every single breath of it!

I love you so much, Bryleigh-Girl! I am so incredibly thankful that God made you mine. I'm so excited to see what He has in store for you this year!

Love,
Mommy

We had SO much fun celebrating our sweet girl at her Beauty and the Beast tea party with some our friends and family.  It was full of all of her favorite (and safe) things - tacos, queso, cupcakes, and ice cream, as well as reeses goodie bags for all her friends.  She was SO excited all day long that her FRIENDS were coming over to her party.

We spent the day getting ready for her party (telling her 100 times it wasn't quite time to get ready yet), baking cupcakes and her allergy-free cake, and decorating the house.  She wanted to help as much as she could! I'm so thankful for this full-of-life little girl that enjoys every second of the day. We had so much fun celebrating her!

A Nursery Fit for a Wild Man

It's been a while since I've updated, and this sweet little nursery has honestly been "done" for a while, but I just have not gotten around to getting the details on the blog.

I spent the better part of my bed rest planning and dreaming about this little boy's room, and that meant quite a bit of time surfing the internet for the perfect pieces.  We were able to order some pieces online, other pieces are from a successful trip to Hobby Lobby, some things are hand-me downs and family pieces, and one very special shelving unit was designed by me and built to perfection by Will's Pappy!  I love every single inch of Will's Man Cave and look forward to adding a few more pieces and finishing touches to it during his first year.

Will's hospital room door hanger. Big Sister has one just like it on her door.

I knew I wanted to do some type of rustic theme, with outdoors, animals, and arrows involved, but I went back and forth with some different color combinations.  After our trip to Hobby Lobby and a quick look in the buggy, I could tell the color pallet was determined - ivory, gold, and wood!  I've added color in some different areas, and might add some more, but I LOVE the neutral look and the feel it gives to Will's room.

We were able to use the changing table from Bryleigh's nursery and then bought our Wild Man a new crib since Sister is still in her's and she'll be using it as a full size bed.  We added neutral colored sheets and changing pad covers (with light green back-ups from Sister's extras).  I knew what I liked in a diaper caddy, so we purchased a woven basket from Hobby Lobby to hold diapers, wipes, and all the creams.  We got SUPER lucky when we realized the wipes reusable box fits PERFECTLY at the back with some storage room underneath and the wipes tucked in at the front.  I LOVE the tree trunk canvas in neutrals and gold that really ties in all the details of the room and ended up being a big inspiration for all the decor.  I purchased it from Hobby Lobby as well.  The lamp shown is a beautiful brushed gold with arrows and a burlap shade, and there is a second matching one in the corner of his room.  These are from World Market and were a perfect fit to our little guy's room.

The shelf is from Target and has some sweet little owls from Bryleigh's "Look Whooo's 2" party, along with a picture from that Will's great-grandpa made.  It will eventually have a beautiful 4 generation picture displayed, but for now, Brad is loving the "punch heard round the world" being on display in Will's Little Man Cave.  There are also two signs and a camping lantern from Hobby that completed the shelf decor.

This corner of Will's world is home to lots more Hobby Lobby items - including the two square frames, the white-washed letters for his name, and the arrow beneath.  Two of my favorite pieces in this section of the room is the book shelf hanging on the wall that used to hold hymns on the back of a pew in my hometown church, First Baptist Church - Sherman, TX.  There is a lot of history in that church for our family, so it is very special to have a piece of that in Will's room.  You can also see a night stand tucked away in the corner, and that belonged to my Granddad.  My MawMaw and PawPaw got the Jimmy Don mountain-metal sign for us, and it is just the perfect fit for this rustic room and our hopes for our boy to be adventurous.

These are just a few close-ups of some of the details from Will's room.

I always love giving my dad a vision and watching him bring it to life!

If you've done much searching on pinterest, you might have seen shelves similar to the ones above...with a cool price tag of about $1100.  NOT exactly in this momma's price range, but thanks to my Pappy, we made it happen for a fraction of the cost.  We were able to find few different units that we liked and things from each that worked well, and my dad was able to design a shelf that fit our price range and was completely functional for our little guy's nursery.  It could not have turned anymore perfect!

That sweet moose and tree on the very top were purchased during my hospital stay and were the beginning of this whole vision.  They'll always be special pieces to me.  The bin at the bottom matches the diaper caddy on his changing table and is FULL of books that Bryleigh had while she was a baby a long with a a whole new set of books that our BSF Leaders showered us with when we came back to bible study.  I will always cherish those!  There are also some books we purchased or were given as gifts along with some more pieces from Hobby Lobby, including the "Be strong & brave" sign, the arrow picture frame, and the "Adventure" mountain piece, and the beautiful globe is from Target.

This just happens to be one of my very favorite rooms of all time.  And the little boy who lives in it happens to be a favorite of mine too!

2016 - A *CRAZY* Year in Review

You know all those memes and funny Facebook posts (and some not so funny) about 2016 and how crazy it's been - like how can there be so much good and so much bad at the same time, like how we REALLY need 2016 to be over and for 2017 to be a little better behaved?! Yeah, that's SO us!!  God has given us SUCH good gifts in 2016 and we made some incredible memories, but to say it's been a tough year of growth would be an incredible understatement.

10.  Life with our big girl!  It is such a blessing to be Miss Bryleigh's momma and daddy.  She is such a joy and we have loved watching her grow up over the last year, which included turning 2, going to her first movie, starting school, and learning all kinds of things!  (Here's to hoping year 3 sees the end of the pass and the beginning of panties!)  I am thankful for the little beautiful life God blessed us with when He loaned us our Bryleigh Girl.

9.  Diaper Daze.  Along with growing and learning, our big girl had a tough year with all of her tummy issues.  She had lots of appointments with her doctors at Cooks and several different tests, including a sweat test to rule out Cystic Fibrosis, an endoscopy and colonoscopy, and a big genetic test.  We spent a lot of the past year focused on trying to find out what was wrong with Miss B and how to help her, even without a diagnosis.  Although we are ending 2016 just like we did 2015, with no diagnosis, we are PRAISING THE LORD that these last weeks of 2016 have been (mostly) tear free when it has come to changing diapers and all things diapers related.  God is so good!  I am thankful that God is faithful and He sustains us, even on our toughest days.  I am thankful that He knows Bryleigh's tiny body inside and out. (And insurance. I'm STILL thankful for insurance.)

8.  Our Teams.  2016 was a fun year for sports in our family, starting with cheering on Carrie's Broncos and Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl!  We spent a lot of time at the Ballpark cheering on our Rangers, and it's been such a fun season cheering on the Cowboys.  One of us is happy to have cheered on the Big 12 Champion Sooners, and the other isn't as pleased with how the year went (on and off the field) for their Bears.  We LOVED getting to visit the Nationals' park again and watch two games, including a Scherzer gem!  We even found ourselves cheering on our alma mater (UTA Mavs) in a men's/women's double header.  I am thankful for the fun we get to share as a family, making memories together whether our teams win or lose.

7.  We're pregnant! And it's a boy!  On March 24, we found out that we were expecting a sweet little baby that would join our family around the first week of December.  True to each of Carrie's pregnancies, there was lots of sickness to start things off, but our sweet baby was healthy and growing!  On July 26, we found out the exciting news that the sweet little baby was a BOY!  We had a fun year of dreaming and planning for our little guy.  I am thankful for the miracle of new life that is a blessing and a gift from God.

6.  Sweet Sister.  We weren't the only ones adding to the family in 2016! Our sweet little sister got engaged on July 3, just 2 months after they both graduated from UTA.  Erin has already started working as an ER nurse and we are SO excited for March to get here so that we can officially add Luke to the family.  I am thankful for the little sister I got when I married in to Brad's family and for all the blessings He has given to her!  What a blessing she is to all of us.

5.  A San Antonio Get-Away.  We had a blast exploring San Antonio with Carrie's family in May to kick off a fun-filled summer.  There was time on the River Walk, lots of good food, a trip to Sea World (in the middle of a monsoon), and a 1000 piece puzzle.  I never get tired of seeing Bryleigh with her cousins (and she never gets tired of seeing them).  I am thankful for the fact that God saw fit to put our sweet Tate, Olivia, and Bryleigh in our lives, close in age, so they can grow up together.

4.  BCinDC2016 AND BryleighsTrip.  2016 was an awesome year of travel for our family with a return trip to DC for Brad and Carrie AND our first (and last) vacation as a family of three where we took our big girl down to Galveston.  I am thankful for the time I got to spend with my husband and my little family this year

3.  Bed-Rest Days.  The last quarter of our year was spent in and out of the hospital, complete with a 17 day stay in the antepartum unit at Baylor Scott and White in Dallas when our sweet little boy tried to make his grand entrance at 31 weeks and again in isolation for a few days while being tested for TB and again after giving birth (that part was a much funner stay!).  I am thankful that God sustained us during such a scary and frustrating time.  I am thankful that he took care of and protected our sweet boy.  And I am thankful that we got lots of extra time with our B-dad at home with us!!

2. William Bradley.  Our sweet little guy was born on Thanksgiving Day at 9:00 am after a quick-ish labor and delivery.  We fell instantly in love, as did Big Sister, and our lives will never be the same.  What a gift he is!! I am thankful for the incredible blessing it is to be Will's mom and to get a first-hand look at Bryleigh being his big sister.  What good gifts our Father gives!!

1.  Life as a family of FOUR.  In the short 5 weeks we've been a family of four, we've already deposited some incredible memories in to the memory bank, including Will's first days at home, his first Christmas (and all the fun involved there), his first hotel stay, his first trip to the zoo, and so much more.  We are looking forward to all the adventures that are in store for 2017.  I am thankful for the incredible family God has blessed me with and all of the days and all of the things...every single one of them, no matter how tired, or gross, or long, or "boring" they may be.

And so the adventure begins...

Our Little Turkey's Birth Story

So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you.  We ask God to give you complete knowledge of His will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.  Then the way you will live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit.  All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.  We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.  May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father.  He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to His people, who live in the light. 

Colossians 1:9-12

One might think that as crazy as the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy were, and as dramatic (and traumatic) as Big Sister's delivery was, that Will's birth story would have been crazy, too.  But it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong, your water breaking at 3:20 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning is quite dramatic, but the morning and Will's birth could NOT have gone more beautifully (except the fact that my epidural was a little crazy, but I'll get to that).

Obviously at 39 weeks pregnant, one has quite a bit of trouble sleeping, so I had already been up to the bathroom...twice, and I was still lying awake in bed TRYING to get comfortable.  "Rolling over" was quite the task with a little roasting turkey in there, but I needed a little switch, so I tried moving as I had hundreds of times in the weeks and months prior.  But this time was different.  I knew it as soon as I did it.  I felt my water break almost instantly, and shot out of bed to get to the bathroom (making NO messes until I got in to our tiled bathroom...FOR THE WIN!).

After a few minutes of my heart racing and thinking through things, I came to the realization that my water HAD broke, I was IN labor, I was delivering ON Thanksgiving Day, and my doctor would NOT be there.  As soon as I got all those straight in my head, I hollered out to my husband, who was pretty out-of-it-asleep, and he responded with a simple, but loud, "What?"

I knew I had to give him a few minutes to process all those things I had just processed in our tiny potty closet, and then it was..."What do we do next?!"  We go up front, water still leaking, Brad in his boxers, and tell my parents, of course! However, by the time we got to their room (I was worried about startling them awake...), we realized they were already awake and my mom knew exactly what was going on!! (haha, this part still makes me laugh - She had heard Brad say "what" and that was all she needed to know my water broke and I was in labor!)

I decided I would take a shower, wash my hair, and try to shave my legs since my contractions were still what I'd been used to since about week 14/15.  However, they quickly changed while I was in the shower, and by the time I was out and about halfway through drying my hair...I could barely breathe through them.  We threw on some clothes, got the last of our bags together, and loaded up in the car to head to Dallas around 4:45 am.  (Praise the Lord for NO traffic!!)

The last bump picture - 39 weeks!

The rest of the morning is a bit of a blur because everything went so quickly.  We got checked in at the front desk (where my sweet husband did all the talking and all the paperwork because HOLY CONTRACTIONS!) and our nurse Jenni took us to our room.  One of the first rooms they were going to put us in was the room I spent 36 hours in getting magnesium pumped through my body, where there are also no windows, so we opted for a different room ;)

Our sweet Resident Doctor that  had seen me several times during my hospital stays was doing rounds before she headed out for her Thanksgiving plans, and she did a quick check at 5:45 to see how dilated I was.  Convinced I'd still be at a 3.5 (and even joking that I'd be back to a 2...), I was pleasantly surprised when she said that I was a 5.

I was in quite a bit of pain, so I had already let them know that I wanted an epidural.  I knew the differences in my contractions from Bryleigh's birth, and I knew how much work I'd be doing to bring my baby in to the world, so I wanted to rest while I could.  They came in around 6:00 with the IV, and shortly after it was time for the epidural.

Because I had tested positive for an infection during my first hospital stay, I was required to get antibiotics every 4 hours to make sure it wasn't passed on to Will.  They want you to get at least 2 doses, so at 6 and 10, with the second getting fully in my system by 2 pm...delivering anytime before 2 meant Will only got one full dose, and any time before 10 meant no full doses.  If that happened (which it did) he would just be monitored up in postpartum, and he'd have a series of blood work done.  They monitor him for 48 hours, so we knew the earliest we'd be going home was Saturday.

For some reason, the epidural only took to my left side, and the 40 minutes to an hour that followed were excruciating, with serious labor pains in my right hip, feeling more and more with each contraction.  My entire body was shaking, so I got wrapped up in some warm blankets to help, and at some point I threw up...but I really don't even remember when that was ;)

A different doctor came in to take a look at my epidural and determined the placement was causing issues, so he took it out and replaced it (twice), and hung out with us a bit to make sure it was kicking in the way it needed to.

Once the epidural took, our nurse checked me again to see where we were on labor progress. From 5:45 to 7:40, I went from a 5 to a 10! I could not even believe it when she told us, and I'm pretty sure I asked her at least 5 times.  I was SO not ready for the HARD part of all of this.  I knew this baby boy was a big one, and all I had to compare it to was Bryleigh's birth.  I told them all a few times that I changed my mind, and he could just stay put!!

Although Dr. Harris was off because of the holiday, we got the best back up - Dr. Gaitonde.  He was the doctor that worked with us to make sure our little guy got to cook longer, so it was super sweet that he was the one on call over Thanksgiving weekend.  He came in around 7:45 to check on things, and Jenni let him know I'd dilated to a 10, was fully effaced, and at a 0 - meaning our little guy still needed to drop a little more.  Dr. G was just starting to make rounds, so he decided he'd finish those and give me about an hour to just labor and let my body move our little guy down naturally.

That hour passed incredibly quickly, and by 8:45 we were ready to do some practice pushes with my contractions... However, those practice ones ended up being the real thing since they could see his head after the first push.  I was SO not ready for that part of all of this, but it happened so fast that I really didn't have time to freak out (or run away...) and by the third round of pushing, and about 10 minutes later, our little guy was HERE!

Holding our miracle baby for the very first time, just minutes after his birth

We are forever grateful for Dr. G...and his love for country music! ;)

To this day, 4 weeks later, I'm STILL in shock at how Will's delivery went.  It will always be one of the craziest reminders to me of how in control God is and how much I should trust Him.  I spent WEEKS making myself literally sick over fear and worry of delivering a big baby and going through what I went through with Bryleigh.  I could not comprehend that I could have a big baby (God's plans) and still have a better experience than before.

Will was born in to this world with 90's country music in the background at 9:00 am, weighing 9 pounds 7 ounces, measuring 20.9 inches long. He was absolutely perfect!

Our first moments loving on our sweet little boy!

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.  I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His spirit.  Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him.  Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.  

Ephesians 3:14-19

(I shared both of these verses in Bryleigh's birth story, 3 short years ago.  These are the words I am praying over my babies as they grow in a dark, lost world.  My prayer is that they come to know and fiercely love their Creator.)

Our Little Turkey's 1st Thanksgiving

Many people have asked about who Will looks like, or make the obvious comment that "he looks JUST like Bryleigh," and although there are similarities, there are lots of differences.  Bryleigh had way more hair.  She has her daddy's mole.  She weighed more and was shorter (making her look even bigger).  She HATED to snuggle, be swaddled, or have clothes on...Will LOVES to snuggle, be swaddled as snug as possible, and ALWAYS wants his clothes on.  They definitely favor each other, but he's not quite the carbon copy I was expecting, especially after all of our sonograms.

Although there are many differences, much of his first days were spent pretty similarly to his sister's.  (You can read about her first days here.) Thankfully, I had been through it all once before, so I knew a lot of what to expect.

First Moments

We spent some time with our little guy down in the delivery room while the doctors finished up with me, the pediatrician took a good look at Will, and we worked through his first time to nurse.  My parents were also there to welcome him into the world and give him some good Mimi & Pappy loving!!

After delivering at 9, we were heading up to our postpartum room by 11:00, just in time for some Turkey and Dressing for lunch! ;)  (I learned from my days in antepartum that they serve turkey and dressing EVERY Thursday, so this was technically my FIFTH go around with "Thanksgiving Lunch" at Baylor.)  We were excited to settle in for a day of Thanksgiving Football and time with our little man!!  Thanks to our Wild Man coming so quickly, we were able to spend the whole day with him...and we were able to eat normal food!! ;)  

Glucose Protocol

Since Will was over 9 pounds, he would be required to meet the same glucose levels that Bryleigh did, ensuring they could maintain their sugar levels.  He was tested before each feeding and needed to have a 45 at least three times in a row after his initial check down in the delivery room.  Anytime the number dropped too low, we would have to start back over.  Our little guy officially passed with a 73 on his final check at 10:00 pm on his first day! This meant that he could also have his first bath!

Although we had been here before, and it was a stressful part of Bryleigh's first days, things went much easier with Will.  We knew what to expect, we knew what was required, and we knew to do what was best for our little guy - which meant supplementing from the start!  Thankfully, there was a new program at Baylor that started back in May allowing us to use donor breastmilk as opposed to introducing formula from the start.

Our little guy did MUCH better at nursing (in the hospital...) than his sweet sister, so we would breastfeed for about 30 minutes, then supplement with a bottle every two to three hours.  This allowed for both his jaundice levels and his glucose levels to even out a lot quicker than had he just been breastfeeding.  Although he did better than Miss B, I still have PCOS, so that didn't change anything this go around as far as milk supply goes! ;)

Big Sister Meets Little Brother

Our big girl spent her Thanksgiving Day with my brother, sister-in-law, and the cousins.  She was in heaven and loved her whole day, but she was so excited to meet "Baby Will."  She walked right in to that room, said "Hi" to her baby brother, and she hasn't looked back since! What an incredible blessing that has been to our family!!

Holding her sweet little brother for the first time

We weren't quite sure how she would do or WHAT she would do, so we decided to do a little Big Sis gift from Will with All-Things-Dory, including some activities she could do while we were still in the hospital.  

Little Brother meets the whole crew!

One of the best parts about Will coming on Thanksgiving Day was that my brother's family was in town and they got to come up to the hospital to meet him.  That was super special to me and something I'll always be so thankful for.  Alan's kids, Tate and Olivia, were instantly in love with their new little cousin!  It was so fun to see them love on him.

And the real fun started once the whole crew was together!! How lucky were we to spend time with our sweet family on Thanksgiving Day, and introduce them to our sweet little miracle baby!

The Meet and Greet Tour continues!

Will's DeDe and Poppa B came to meet our Will Man on Thursday night after the Cowboys beat up on the Redskins, and sweet Bryleigh was still there to make the introductions.

Our Little Turkey's fun-filled Black Friday

Our second day with our little man started out with a busy morning - including his circumcision which threw our whole feeding schedule off and an attempt at his hearing screening, continuing to spend some skin-to-skin time, working on nursing, and spending some time relaxing with our newest love.  Bryleigh Girl could not wait to get back up to the hospital to see us and hold her little brother some more, so they made a visit Friday afternoon.  She also brought a present for Will - a sweet owl lovie!

Aunt Erin and Uncle Luke came with DeDe and Poppa B on Friday to get to meet our sweet little guy, and Bryleigh was definitely proud to show him off again.  Any day she gets to spend with all four grands is a good day for her, and adding little brother to the mix was the cherry on top!

Our Little Turkey is coming home!

One of the final hurdles to us getting to leave was for Will to complete his hearing test.  We had tried on Friday, but with all the excitement (his circumcision, missing feedings, meeting family), we weren't able to get him calm enough to complete it.  Thankfully, Saturday morning was the perfect time for he and his daddy to watch some college football and get his little ears screened.

We were originally told we wouldn't be able to be released until we got results back on Will's cultures, which would have been late afternoon on Saturday, BUT we got news around 11:00 that we were officially released!  They'd watch the cultures for us and give us a call if anything showed up, but we were in clear to take our sweet guy HOME!