This post has two parts, the first part being about how Carson was one drug trial acceptance away from existing.
I have suffered from endometriosis (and PCOS) for almost 20 years. I was 15 years old when my first flare ups began, although we had no idea what they were until I was diagnosed by my current doctor at the age of 21. They were debilitating and, at times, unmanageable. Over the years we tried various treatments - shots, extra birth control, and surgery twice. We knew the best thing for my body was to get pregnant and give myself a good 10+ month break from my body having the ability for growth.
Early in 2018, Brad and I had already decided more children was out of the picture for us, and every month my endo flares were getting worse, not to mention the damage endometriosis had caused to other parts of my body that could bring up pain at any given point, not just based on my cycle. We knew we had to do something and felt a hysterectomy was inevitable (which I have known since I was 21).
I stumbled across a drug trial, submitted an application along with extensive medical history and doctors files, and was called within no time at all to come in for a screening and exam. The trial was explained to me: it would be over 2 years in length and once I started it would be dangerous for me (and a baby) to get pregnant. As I mentioned before: We. Were. Done. So I moved forward. They let me know that based on the notes from my second surgery I “might not qualify” for the trial but they would “do everything to make sure I was accepted.”
Based on our discussion, I moved forward with the invasive and painful medical exam and went home with a monitoring device to track my entire life and wait for the green light that I’d been accepted. After the exam, the doctor gave me his expert opinion: “No matter what we find out, you can’t live like this. I hope you get to go through this trial, but if not, if I were your doctor, I’d recommend a complete hysterectomy, and sooner rather than later.”
I cried. I felt validated for the first time in a while. That was an overwhelming thought, but he let me know with his last few words that this whole endometriosis thing really was as bad as I had thought it was and it really was wreaking havoc on my body. There was a specific reason I felt the way I did.
A day later, I got the call that the drug company just couldn’t accept me in to the trial based on improper reports from the doctor that did my second surgery. I was pissed. I was so hurt. I was angry that a doctor’s flippancy in writing a post-op report was determining so much of my life.
But I had NO idea how much God was writing the ending to this story. This took place in February (the 26th to be exact), and I heard that fateful question from God in April/May (although the nudging had begun long before that), “Do you trust me?” God knew all along Carson would join our family. It took months for me to heal - somewhat physically, but more so emotionally - from that rejection in the drug trial, but God used it all to continue to shape me and build my trust and faith in Him.
Yes
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