At the beginning of summer, we asked our small group to pray for us as we walked through the decision of sending Bryleigh back to preschool.
We signed her up last year to try and work on some social anxiety she was having, and we saw her grow leaps and bounds over the first semester, despite her dad traveling weekly for work, her mom being in the hospital and then on bed rest, and becoming a big sister...not to mention a flare up that lasted nearly the entire semester and left three grown adults (sometimes four) in tears at the end of any given day.
But the second semester seemed to go downhill instead of up, her anxiety came back with a vengeance and getting her to school and church each week was almost impossible. And then came her allergy diagnosis at the very end of the year, which made another year of preschool seem almost impossible. How would she ever handle parties and treats almost daily that she just couldn't have? That's a lot of responsibility to put on a 3.5 year old.
As our small group continued to pray for us, and as we prayed, I began to hear God telling me, "Just trust me, Carrie." How could we cheer and praise God for so many others being brave and we not do the same? I felt like such a hypocrite when I realized how much fear I was holding on to as I paraded around in my pretty yellow shirt telling everyone how brave Bryleigh was, but withholding I sure wasn't!
At that moment, we knew we had to trust God with His plans for her and we began to get B ready for school (completing paperwork, buying cute clothes, occasionally chatting about it with her...and potty training.)
We felt good about the time we had, knowing we had most of the summer to be committed to potty training now that we KNEW she was going to school and this was our final road block.
But instead of it being a road block it ended up being a dead end. It's not "blog worthy" nor do I feel like eloquently describing what it was like to work on potty training Bryleigh, other than it just isn't the right time for her, and no one has to really understand or agree with that. It sent her in to full on anxiety and a flare up.
When our girl got sick two years ago and we took her in to the pediatrician, we honestly expected a diagnosis that day. Based on what we were telling them, things went in overdrive and lots of things started happening all at once. In those scary early days we begged God for negative test results, praying against parasites, bacterias, infections, etc. We had no idea what was going on, but I knew I didn't want my baby girl to have anything anyone was throwing at us. We were thinking (read: hoping) she had a major stomach bug or virus of some sort that would work its way out of her body, and then life would go back to normal.
I catch myself WISHING one of those had been positive. A quick answer with an exact solution and an end in sight. But call after call led to lots of "negatives" and "abnormal" testing meaning something else was going on.
We went from thinking things would be normal in a few weeks to thinking it would take a few months, we'd get some actual answers, and then move on with life, back to normal, raising our little exactly as we'd always pictured/planned. (I know, don't tell God your plans...forever learning that one.)
We're two years in with lots of questions still (and thankful for every.single.answer we've received to date), daily ups and downs, and praying that this next year will be a big one of learning for us - learning about our babies' bodies and how to best feed them so that their insides work the way God intended. (And learning how to use a potty, like all the time. 🙄🙃)
So, we ended up making the super difficult decision, and our girl won't be having any "first days" with her friends and teachers this year. I've cried quite a few tears, and I'm sure more are to come, but we just really feel like it's best for her where she is right now. It's no longer about being afraid for her, although we will always be nervous and absolutely cautious, we DO trust Jesus with His care and plan for her. Now it's about what is absolutely best for her: keeping her on track with healing her body, adjusting to new diet restrictions (that are actually only three months along!), and taking a no-pressure approach to potty training.
We are looking forward to seeing all of our friends at BSF on Thursdays, day dates on Tuesdays, and a little home learning during the other days to make sure she stays on track. We will be soaking up time before our "little girl" gets a little bit bigger, and I know her baby brother will be so happy to have his partner in crime around 24/7.
**My sweet friend has known I've been having quite the hard time with all of this, so sad at all my baby will be missing out on this year, and she sent me THIS blog - It absolutely hit home with me, and some of it I could have written word for word myself. It's a world we live in, and I was thankful to be able to read it from someone else's perspective.**
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