Have you ever heard that a song can take you back to a different place in time? Well I can tell you from personal experience that it does. I haven’t been able to listen to Dave Barnes for the past five years without getting an awful feeling in my stomach and an intense anger in my heart. I would listen to Mr. Barnes for HOURS at a time in my dorm room at Baylor and listening to him takes me right back to that room – 441, Collins Hall, some of the best and worst days of my life.
When getting ready for our wedding last summer, I found pictures of me in my high chair with a Baylor bib on. I can remember going to basketball games and touring the campus as an elementary student, and the trips I took to Waco once my brother became a student were some of my favorite times. I never bothered to ask God if Baylor was a part of his plan for me, I just assumed that the path I was on headed straight there.
I quickly learned, or rather – not so quickly – that wasn’t the case. I would study for HOURS for various tests, and put my whole heart into projects only to get back mediocre grades, sometimes even F’s. My grades were a huge reason that I decided to leave Baylor, but I believe that was the way God allowed me to realize I was NOT in the center of His will for my life. I wasn’t listening to Him in other ways, so he began to shut the door – I’m pretty sure each C, D, or F I received was a nail in the door making it impossible for me to be as successful I longed to be at Baylor. It was all I EVER wanted in life, but I never bothered to ask if it was what God wanted. And that is why it was so hard for me to be taken back to that place, I was angry that God DIDN’T allow me to have the same experience at Baylor that my brother and so many of my friends had. I was ashamed that I had failed, that I wasn’t able to be successful. And I was slowly slipping away from myself. My dreams and passions for life were slipping away, and I was shutting everyone around me out of my life. So listening to David Barnes would take be back to that very point in my life and those same feelings began to overwhelm me again.
Luke 11:9 says, “And I tell you, ASK, and it will be given to you; SEEK, and you will find; KNOCK, and it will be opened to you.” I’ve knocked on plenty of doors during the last 5 years, and I‘ve been earnestly seeking the path that God wanted me to travel but I selfishly opened doors based on my terms.
The last door I refused to shut was my desire to finish my accounting degree. It is something I could sit for hours and work through. Even the tough days and bad grades didn’t discourage me from continuing to work for my goal. But that was another door that I found myself forcing open rather than knocking and allowing God to open it for me – until He gently shut it behind me a month ago.
For those of you that have been following my status updates and notes over the past year, I have been on a journey of really finding myself and my path in life. I was laid off from a job I’d had for three years and had a difficult road following as I looked for a job. I had promising interviews that left me with no job offer, and a few job offers that left me with a troubled feeling. I thought I had finally reached the end of my journey when I received a job offer from a company where I would be their accounting manager. The week before I started, we celebrated, got prepared for the new “big girl” job, and breathed a little easier – but the one thing we didn’t bother to do was ASK God if this was a door he wanted me to walk through. Within a week of being in the position, I realized that God was telling me that was not His plan for my life, and neither was accounting.
So for those of you that have been wondering where the steel job went, it was never really mine to begin with. It’s given me a lot of closure, not just for accounting, but for other doors that God has closed behind me as well. I listened to an entire CD from Dave Barnes this morning and not once was there a sting of hurt or disappointment. On the contrary, there was a new feeling – a feeling of hope and promise.
I’ve learned a lot over the last 5 years, and even more over the past year, but the most important is the promise of Luke 9:11, to ASK first, then SEEK, then KNOCK – not once in that verse does it say to barge in, bust down, or ring the door bell so many times that God finally gets annoyed and lets you in. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future.’” So that is the promise I am clinging to now. I know that God has my best interest at heart and He won’t shut any door in my life without reason for a BETTER life to come.
When getting ready for our wedding last summer, I found pictures of me in my high chair with a Baylor bib on. I can remember going to basketball games and touring the campus as an elementary student, and the trips I took to Waco once my brother became a student were some of my favorite times. I never bothered to ask God if Baylor was a part of his plan for me, I just assumed that the path I was on headed straight there.
I quickly learned, or rather – not so quickly – that wasn’t the case. I would study for HOURS for various tests, and put my whole heart into projects only to get back mediocre grades, sometimes even F’s. My grades were a huge reason that I decided to leave Baylor, but I believe that was the way God allowed me to realize I was NOT in the center of His will for my life. I wasn’t listening to Him in other ways, so he began to shut the door – I’m pretty sure each C, D, or F I received was a nail in the door making it impossible for me to be as successful I longed to be at Baylor. It was all I EVER wanted in life, but I never bothered to ask if it was what God wanted. And that is why it was so hard for me to be taken back to that place, I was angry that God DIDN’T allow me to have the same experience at Baylor that my brother and so many of my friends had. I was ashamed that I had failed, that I wasn’t able to be successful. And I was slowly slipping away from myself. My dreams and passions for life were slipping away, and I was shutting everyone around me out of my life. So listening to David Barnes would take be back to that very point in my life and those same feelings began to overwhelm me again.
Luke 11:9 says, “And I tell you, ASK, and it will be given to you; SEEK, and you will find; KNOCK, and it will be opened to you.” I’ve knocked on plenty of doors during the last 5 years, and I‘ve been earnestly seeking the path that God wanted me to travel but I selfishly opened doors based on my terms.
The last door I refused to shut was my desire to finish my accounting degree. It is something I could sit for hours and work through. Even the tough days and bad grades didn’t discourage me from continuing to work for my goal. But that was another door that I found myself forcing open rather than knocking and allowing God to open it for me – until He gently shut it behind me a month ago.
For those of you that have been following my status updates and notes over the past year, I have been on a journey of really finding myself and my path in life. I was laid off from a job I’d had for three years and had a difficult road following as I looked for a job. I had promising interviews that left me with no job offer, and a few job offers that left me with a troubled feeling. I thought I had finally reached the end of my journey when I received a job offer from a company where I would be their accounting manager. The week before I started, we celebrated, got prepared for the new “big girl” job, and breathed a little easier – but the one thing we didn’t bother to do was ASK God if this was a door he wanted me to walk through. Within a week of being in the position, I realized that God was telling me that was not His plan for my life, and neither was accounting.
So for those of you that have been wondering where the steel job went, it was never really mine to begin with. It’s given me a lot of closure, not just for accounting, but for other doors that God has closed behind me as well. I listened to an entire CD from Dave Barnes this morning and not once was there a sting of hurt or disappointment. On the contrary, there was a new feeling – a feeling of hope and promise.
I’ve learned a lot over the last 5 years, and even more over the past year, but the most important is the promise of Luke 9:11, to ASK first, then SEEK, then KNOCK – not once in that verse does it say to barge in, bust down, or ring the door bell so many times that God finally gets annoyed and lets you in. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future.’” So that is the promise I am clinging to now. I know that God has my best interest at heart and He won’t shut any door in my life without reason for a BETTER life to come.
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