We are only getting started...

It was one year ago today that I took "one more test"......and my life FOREVER changed.

A flashback to last year's "Mother's Day" weekend

What a difference a year makes!

I instantly became a mom. In that very moment, I was a mom. And every decision and every thought since then has been different. It has been about you.  And you are more than I could have ever hoped for, imagined, dreamed of, and prayed for. Being your mom is my most favorite adventure...and we are only getting started!

As I sit today, holding you in my arms, snuggled up to my neck as you sleep, I can feel your tiny heart beating, I can hear each sweet breath you take, and i can smell that sweet baby smell you always have (thankfully your daddy just changed that stinky diaper, or else THAT'S what I'd be smelling).

I can't help but be overwhelmingly thankful to our Heavenly Father for the precious, beautiful gift He gave me.  I always knew I'd be a mom. I knew that at some point in my life, I would hold a baby in my arms, I'd kiss boo boos, say a million "I love Yous," and infinitely pray over the precious life of someone that shared my last name.

I just wasn't sure if that is all we would share, if the baby I held would look or act like me (in ANY way...we all know you are a carbon copy of your daddy), or if the blood from those boo boos would match my DNA or someone else's.  

DNA and giving birth aren't what's important, and I know that.  I believe wholeheartedly in adoption and pray that someday I will get to experience that as well.

However, God heard my heart's cries, my deepest desires and He granted me my request.  I wanted the whole experience...finding out I was pregnant, telling our family in fun/creative ways, watching and feeling as my body changed while you grew inside, and being able to be the one that brought my child into the world.  (Be careful what you pray for...when I asked for "ALL of it," I wasn't expecting 40 weeks of sickness and delivering a 9.5 pound baby!!).

I hear the phrase "what I wouldn't give..." all the time. "What I wouldn't give..." for that body, those shoes, that house or car, a dream vacation, my dream job, a full night of sleep...I could go on all night.  There are some really big "What I wouldn't gives" and some really some ones, but the two I've thought recently were about going to the midnight premiere of Divergent and Opening Day for the Rangers.

However, I know the answer to any of my "what I wouldn't give" scenarios. I wouldn't give YOU.  There's not a single thing in this world that would be worth giving you up, trading you in, or never having been able to experience life with you.

And on that note, I can honestly say I'd wait twice as long...I'd even wait forever...if I knew what I was waiting on was YOU!   You were worth the sickness, the (forever) changes to my body, quitting my job, and you were worth every single "no" test I ever took. You were so worth the wait, the tears, and the heartache.  You have been worth the exhaustion from a new sleep schedule, the endless amount of time at the sink cleaning bottles, and every meltdown we've endured together.

As I sit and look at you, my "12% chance" miracle, I think about all the times I longed for and hoped for these days. I got to the point where I couldn't imagine holding a baby that had heard my heartbeat before they had taken their first breath of life.  I couldn't imagine looking into a face that shared my features, or seeing parts of my personality come out over the years.  I couldn't imagine watching a baby kick around on a blanket and remember what it had felt like when those tiny legs were kicking around in my tummy.

So thank you. Thank you for helping me to have a whole-hearted, holding-nothing-back faith in our Father. Thank you for making my biggest dream come true. Thank you for making me a mommy!