If you'd like some more background about my journey with endometriosis and fertility and what got me to the point of surgery, you can read the previous post I wrote here.
A week ago today, I attended a birthday party for my sweet nephew who turned 1 at the end of August. Talking with my husband about it today, I don't remember it.
I texted my BFF Holli-Von to update her on what we found out yesterday from the doctor and told her I was sorry I hadn't texted last week when we got the first bit of information. Apparently I had (and the day after my surgery), I don't remember it.
I don't remember the text message conversations I had with other people about what was going on, or dinners on Thursday and Friday night with both sets of our parents. I don't remember the ride home from the hospital or watching the Bears beat SMU. I was obviously "put under" for the surgery, and heavily sedated so most would not expect me to know what was going on the day of the procedure. I also spent the next few days heavily medicated because of the initial pain where the incisions were. So when I texted my close friends and family the night I got home from the surgery with the news Brad and my mom passed along to me from the doctor...I might have only half listened, and interpreted where I shouldn't have.
I had texted everyone that the news I was hoping for, was the news I had gotten. I interpreted "Better than Expected" to mean..."things looked great!" Better than expected actually meant that he anticipated far more endometriosis to laser within my pelvic area, all of the endometriosis I have is in areas that can't be lasered. I interpreted "25% useable" to mean "25% damaged." I interpreted "Possible to get pregnant without IVF" to mean "very likely, extremely possible to get pregnant naturally." He actually just meant that it is still a possibility to get pregnant naturally. I interpreted "nothing to laser" to mean "there's not a lot of endo in there anyways!" Like I just mentioned...nothing to laser actually meant he wasn't ABLE to laser anything.
I went back to the doctor yesterday and the first thing we did was watch a quick movie of the procedure. The entire time the doctor was talking about what he was seeing, I was replaying what I had originally "heard." Then Dr. Howard came in with a piece of paper and began to explain what he had found during the surgery.
I learned a few things during my time with Dr. Howard:
1 - My right fembria is completely damaged. Endometriosis has caused severe swelling and they will not be able to move anything into my uterus...anything being a fertilized egg with Little Baby H inside.
2 - My left fembria is 75% damaged. This is a significant difference than the 25% damage I had originally thought was the case. Dr. Howard DID say that he has seen patients with my similar tubes get pregnant naturally. Had the left been 100% damaged as well, we'd be looking at IVF from the start rather than it being the last resort at this time.
3 - My right tube (between the fembria and the uterus) is blocked by endometriosis. He hopes with the four months of injections, this blockage can be taken care of.
4 - The majority of my endometriosis grows inside the muscle walls of my uterus. This type can not be lasered and is treated with the injections as well. One question my mom and I both had was what does endometriosis in the uterus do to a baby. The answer is...it's a blessing that I have not gotten pregnant up to this point because there is a strong likelihood I would have lost the baby.
5 - I do in fact have Polycystic Ovaries and a second type of cyst on my left ovary. The best news about this is that the cyst is not an Endometrial cyst as he originally suspected because that would mean my eggs from the left side would be unusable (and my right side is already a problem...). I'll be meeting with Dr. Howard in October to begin going over how to take care of the PCOS.
All of that being said...those are facts. That is what science says about my body. Dr. Howard knows his stuff, and I am SO thankful to FINALLY have answers after all this time...and a plan of action. But I serve a God that is the ULTIMATE Healer. I serve a God that works miracles. I serve a God that loves me in a way that I can not imagine. I serve a God that "clothes the lilies of the field." Dr. Howard can not decide the birth dates of my babies, that is in God's hands. Dr. Howard can not decide if my body reacts to the injections the way it should, that is in God's hands.
Right now, as I have so many times before, I am claiming Proverbs 3:5 and 6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths. Back in 2010, I submitted my fear of infertility over to the Lord. Today, I am STILL submitting my fear of infertility over to the Lord and I trust (and will continue to Trust) in His good and perfect will for my life.
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